I survived the Seireiterei Game Show!
by espeon16
Summary: 12 shinigamis. Wacky challenges. One prize. Who will triumph in the Seireitei Game Show?
1. The Idea

I survived the Seireitei game show!

by espeon16

Yes, this is a spoof of 'I survived a Japanese Game Show'. No, I didn't exactly watch the show but a friend of mine (who shall be referred to as Soifon-chan) pestered me with this idea, so here I am, giving it a shot! In this fic, I pretend that the whole Aizen-is-a-traitor thing never happened. So the espadas are not featured, and Gin, Aizen, and Tousen may make appearances.

Characters are Kubo Tite's. Not mine. If I owned Bleach, the drawings would be very crappy.

Read and review!

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**Chapter One**

**How To Kill Some Time**

Another peaceful day in Karakura Town. Renji, Matsumoto, Hitsugaya, Ikkaku, and Yumichika were lounging around at Ichigo's house, enjoying a short break from shinigami duties, having stockpiled enough vacation days to last a month. (Or in Hitsugaya's case, several centuries' worth of vacation days, seeing as he never took breaks.)

"I still can't believe you dragged me all the way here, just to sit on the floor and slowly burn up, Matsumoto."

"But taichou…"

Matsumoto's whine was cut off by Renji.

"Hey Ichigo, what's that?"

Ichigo blinked and stared at the screen.

"Oh, that's I Survived A Japanese Game Show."

"Please, elaborate."

"Basically, there are two groups of people competing against each other in challenges. For each challenge, the winning team gets a reward, and the losing team gets a punishment. The challenges are really whacky and strange, too. The losing team then has to choose two people from their team to enter the elimination round."

"And then…?"

"The two people then play a game against each other, and whoever gets more points on the game gets to stay on, and the one with less points leaves the show."

"But why would they want to stay on? I mean, look at that."

Yumichika pointed at the screen, where two people were running around, shooting each other with paint.

"That's not beautiful at all."

Ichigo sighed.

"They stay on in hope of winning the grand prize."

"Which is?"

Ichigo paused for dramatic effect before replying.

"About…a quarter of a million US dollars."

At this announcement, Ikkaku accidentally swallowed his fries all at once and started coughing and hacking violently. Renji, out of shock, inhaled his juice up his nose, and started jumping around, screaming that his nose hurt. Hitsugaya sighed and shook his head at their reactions, but he didn't blame them. After all, even if they used the yen, US dollars were known to them. And a quarter of a million was a huge number.

Suddenly, Matsumoto's eyes lit up with a mischievous sparkle.

"Why don't we try that in Seireitei? After all, we do have a lot of free time."

"That's because you don't do the paperwork," Hitsugaya grumbled.

Matsumoto ignored this.

"What do you say?"

Ikkaku, recovered from his coughing fit, banged his fist on the table.

"I think it's a SPLENDID idea!"

"Yeah!"

Hitsugaya sighed.

"And what about the prize?"

There was a pause.

Then,

"Oh! What about an all-expenses-pain trip around the world for the winner, and one friend of choice?"

Everyone stared at Matsumoto.

She stared back.

"What? It's a great idea! It's about a year or so of pure vacation!"

Renji and Ikkaku stared at her, openmouthed. Yumichika shot Matsumoto a bemused look. (Because staring with your mouth open is just way too ugly.)

It was Hitsugaya who broke the silence.

"That sounds plausible. I can ask Yamamoto-soutaichou, if you want."

"Great!"

Ichigo sighed.

"Then I'll go find Ishida and the others, and get them to help me out in the challenges."

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Yamamoto Shigekuni Genryuusai cleared his throat.

"You are suggesting that we hold a…what do you call that?"

"A game show, sir."

"Yes, that, in Seireitei?"

Hitsugaya bowed his head respectfully. He'd already explained the whole concept to the soutaichou, he knew that this questioning was just to stall for time while the soutaichou made up his mind.

"All right. I can get you the air tickets for the trip, no problem."

Hitsugaya nodded, although inside of him he felt like hollering and jumping for joy. That kind of behaviour was improper, after all.

"All right, you may leave."

Hitsugaya left the first division headquarters, and flash-stepped back to his office, to break the news to the four shinigamis eagerly awaiting the answer there.

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"Let me get this straight. We are to organize a game show for the shinigamis."

"That's right. The non-participants will watch the show live, which greatly saves us the trouble of taping and editing it, and also prevents spoilers from escaping."

Ishida hesitated. It did sound quite fun, but he did promise never to help a shinigami again…

"Come on, Ishida-kun, it will be fun!"

Ishida sighed. He knew he could never resist that puppy-dog look.

"All right."

"Okay guys, here's the plan. Ishida, you come up with the rules and stuff. Inoue and Chad, start planning the challenges. I'll be the host."

"Okay."

"Let's get started!

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And thus, the Seireitei Game Show was born.

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There! How did ya like it?

Next chapter: Ichigo explains the rules of the game, and applicants surge forward. Who will be accepted, and who denied?


	2. Rules of the Game

Usual disclaimer: I don't own Bleach.

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**Chapter Two**

**Rules**

Ichigo sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He was sitting backstage, waiting for all the shinigamis to file in. Though he didn't actually consider it 'backstage', it was simply the area behind the wooden platform that served as a makeshift stage.

Finally, Ishida poked his head past the partition at the back of the platform.

"Oi, Kurosaki. They're all here."

"Whatever."

Ichigo grabbed the sheets of paper in front of him. He still didn't see the need for a script, but Ishida had insisted, and had chucked it into his face just before they had left for Soul Society.

He walked to the center of the platform, and looked out at the mass of shinigamis. Then he blinked. Was that _Urahara_? What was he doing here? And…oh gawd, was that _Yoruichi_ next to him?

No time for pondering, though. Everyone was staring at him. He cleared his throat and began.

"Okay, everyone, listen up! Seeing as you lot are getting bored with just doing paperwork, we have decided to organize some entertainment for you."

He paused, interrupted by the cheering that followed this statement.

"This entertainment comes in the form of a game show, called the Seireitei Game Show. Anybody can apply to be a contestant in this game show. The overall champion gets a prize. Want to know what it is?"

More cheers from the audience.

"The grand prize is…" Here Ichigo took a deep breath, then bellowed:

"An all-expenses-paid trip around the world for the winner plus one friend!"

At this statement, the crowd went wild.

After about 5 minutes, Ichigo had to wave his arms around to stop the buzzing that had arisen.

"However, places in the show are limited, as only 12 shinigamis can actually take part. Application forms can be obtained from the tenth division office. All applicants must then come for an interview two weeks from now. We will then choose the 12 most suitable applicants to take part."

"During the game, the contestants will be taken to an inn on the outskirts of Rukongai. They will stay there for the duration of the game, regardless of whether they have been eliminated or not. You are strongly advised to wear human clothes instead of your shihakushous. This is to help facilitate movement during the challenges. You will also not be allowed any alcohol of any sort. In fact, you will only get 3 basic meals a day of rice, bonito, pickles, and water."

"You will be sorted into two groups. Challenges will be done in the groups. The winning team gets a reward, while the losing team is punished. Challenges will be held every two days, as the day after the challenge will be for the respective punishments and rewards. In addition, the losing team will choose two people for the elimination round. These two will battle it out to decide who leaves the show. However, when there are only 4 contestants left, there will no longer be a need for groups, thus the contestants will go solo. When there are 3 contestants left, we will hold a final challenge to decide the winner."

"The rest of you shinigamis will get to watch the challenges live. The soutaichou has very kindly given us an arena in the middle of Seireitei, near Sokyoku Hill. That is where we will hold the challenges, and where you can watch the show. The tickets to watch the show will be sold two days before the challenge, and one ticket allows you to watch one challenge. They can be purchased from the fifth division fukutaichou. Complete sets of tickets can also be bought."

"For applicants, please list down your full name, rank, any necessary medication, etcetera. Forms are to be submitted either to me or to the weird Quincy guy over there. Interviews will be held in tenth division meeting rooms, courtesy of the taichou and fukutaichou of that division."

At this point, Hitsugaya scowled. He hadn't given Kurosaki permission to use the meeting rooms. Matsumoto had tried to persuade him with her 'assets', but failed, instead suffocating him and thus causing him to pass out. When he came to, Matsumoto had already given Kurosaki the green light, and there was nothing he could do about it.

Ichigo stepped down from the stage, and excited shinigamis began to chatter happily about the game show, and move off.

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It was two days after the interviews. Ichigo and Ishida were sprawled in a small apartment that they had rented, looking through the application forms. Each had come up with about 10 contestants each, and they were currently debating over the final 12.

Ichigo peered at the form on top of Ishida's stack.

"Urahara is actually joining the show?!"

"Yes, Kurosaki. He is actually quite a good candidate, you know."

Ichigo sighed. He leafed through Ishida's stack briefly.

"Well, that Kira Izuru is a definite no-no. He'll just make everyone depressed."

"Then I suggest that the ni-bantai-fukutaichou Marechiyo Oomaeda be excluded as well. I've seen his eating habits, and believe me, he will gross everyone out."

Ichigo grunted a possible affirmative, and Ishida extracted a rice-cracker-crumb-encrusted form and put it on the 'rejected' pile, on top of Kira's.

After another hour or so of bickering, they finally came up with 12 people.

"Now we need group names."

"Yup."

"What about Shiny Needles and Sewing Thread?"

Ichigo choked.

"No way, you sewing-obsessed freak. Let's stick to the original names of the Yellow Penguins and the Green Monkeys."

Ishida huffed, obviously miffed by Ichigo's 'sewing-obsessed freak' comment. He was saved from making a sharp retort by the arrival of Orihime and Chad.

"Good morning, Kurosaki-kun!"

She was carrying a crumpled piece of paper with a few holes in it, probably made by erasing the same spot multiple times.

"Here's the list of possible challenges!"

Ichigo stared at it. His mouth went dry.

"A-are you sure about this?"

Ishida moved over to look at it too.

"Inoue-san, I appreciate your ideas and all, but that one might just kill them."

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Next chapter: the 12 contestants are revealed!

Please review!


	3. Yellow Penguins and Green Monkeys

Thank you for all the reviews so far! Keep reading, and remember to click that little button that says 'review' after you're done.

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Twelve figures stood by the West Gate, waiting for Ichigo to arrive. Each held a letter in their hands, and the air of excitement hung everywhere.

At 8 o'clock, half an hour after the first of the twelve had reached the gate, the cheery orange-haired substitute shinigami arrived at the Gate, flanked by his ever-present 3 companions.

"Hey, Ichigo! Took ya long enough!"

This shout came from somewhere in the middle of the small huddle.

Ichigo nodded, and clapped his hands.

"All right, first things first, I would like to congratulate you twelve on making it onto the Seireitei Game Show."

At this, the sound of cheers filled the morning air.

"Now, if you would all follow me, I am going to bring you to the place where you will be staying for the next few days."

Sixteen figures, all in human clothes, made for a strange sight, walking into Rukongai.

Along the way, Ishida stepped up to Ichigo.

"Oi, Kurosaki. Did you manage to obtain permission for that last challenge?"

"Yes. Yama-jii finally agreed to it. Says that he'll extend an invitation to them on the last day itself."

"Oh, that's good. I managed to get permission, albeit reluctantly, from everyone involved in the punishments."

Ichigo nodded thoughtfully.

Meanwhile, Ishida turned to Orihime.

"Inoue-san, did you manage to obtain permission for the challenges?"

Orihime nodded brightly.

"I did! Even though the soutaichou turned down the but about the lasers…"

Here Orihime's smile vanished. However, it came back just as quickly, effectively alarming Ishida.

However, he did say yes to the rest of them. He even gave me lots of suggestions! Like cutting down the 10000-piece puzzle to a 500-piece one."

Ishida secretly breathed a sigh of relief.

Here Chad broke in.

"And I've checked with the tech guys from the twelfth division, and they've gone through the kind of environments the contestants would be experiencing, and they've confirmed that they can provide the filming services for every one of them, if needed."

"Even the pitch-dark one?"

"Even the pitch-dark one."

"Good, then everything should be ready."

The sixteen figures had stopped outside an inn, forcing the four in charge of the game to abandon their conversation.

"Okay, people! File inside quietly, and I will separate you into two groups. Each group will sleep in one half of the inn, and you will have your own dining tables for the three meals. Mingling is allowed, but discussing of group plans with someone from another group is strictly prohibited. The four of us will take turns watching you all, so don't break the rules."

A murmur of general assent filled the room.

"Okay, let me tell you the names of the two groups first. They are the Yellow Penguins and the Green Monkeys. These names were based off the original show, and I don't want any complaints."

Another murmur of assent.

"And without further ado, let's get you all divided! First member of the Yellow Penguins is…Abarai Renji!"

Renji walked forward from the throng, grinning, and walked to the area labeled 'Penguins'.

"First member of the Green Monkeys is…Madarame Ikkaku!"

Ikkaku walked up to the area opposite where Renji was standing, labeled 'Monkeys'.

The sorting continued in the same fashion, until there were two separate groups on opposite ends of the meeting room in the inn.

The groups went something like this.

Yellow Penguins: Abarai Renji, Kuchiki Rukia, Ayasegawa Yumichika, Shihouin Yoruichi, Ise Nanao, and Shiba Kuukaku.

Green Monkeys: Madarame Ikkaku, Rangiku Matsumoto, Ichimaru Gin, Urahara Kisuke, Shiba Ganju, and Kurotsuchi Nemu.

Before they left for their respective rooms to rest before the challenge the following night, Ichigo gave them a last reminder.

"Please remember that nobody should use shikai, bankai, shunpo, shunko, kidou, etcetera, unless the rules of the challenge state otherwise. Doing so will result in your immediate disqualification."

With that proclamation, the Penguins and the Monkeys made their way upstairs for some rest. They were going to need it.

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Yes, pretty short chapter.

Next chapter: The first challenge! Who loses, who wins, and who gets voted off?


	4. Episode One: Kidou and Rice Crackers

It was evening. The arena set up specially for the competition was filled with the buzz of countless shinigamis trying to get a seat. It was arranged rather like the Colosseum in Rome, with the seating are in tiers, surrounding the sporting arena. Seating was based on a first-come-first-serve basis, and not on rank or division. Hitsugaya Toshirou was seated somewhere near the back, with nobody sitting within a twenty-five-metre-radius of him. Hisagi Shuuhei sat at the front with Kira Izuru, eager to catch his drinking buddies in action.

Ichigo stepped up into the middle of the arena, megaphone in hand.

"All right! Laydeeees and gentlemen! This is the night all of you have been eagerly waiting for. The first challenge in the Seireitei Game Show!"

The crowd cheered.

"Please welcome the first group, the Yellow Penguins!"

The Yellow Penguins walked in, looking around. Renji, at the head of the group, looked around and waved to Hisagi.

"And please welcome the other team, the Green Monkeys!"

Ikkaku walked into the cheering arena, followed by the rest of the Green Penguins.

"Okay! For the first challenge, we're going to start with something simple: fighting hollows! Here's the catch: you're only allowed to use kidou, and you have a five-minute time limit. Any hollows left after the time is up will be destroyed by me and Quincy boy over there."

"Oi! It's Ishida, Kurosaki!"

Ichigo rolled his eyes.

"When the whistle blows, your time starts. Get ready!"

In the Yellow Penguins corner, Nanao immediately took charge.

"Right, Renji, please stay they in the corner and don't do anything. No offense, but your kidou isn't that great."

Renji sighed. He hated not doing anything, but if he did use his atrocious kidou skills, his team would lose, and he feared thathe would be kicked off. He nodded dumbly and went off to the corner.

Over at the Green Monkeys, things weren't going quite as well. Ikkaku, a eleventh-division member through and through, decided to give his teammates a pep talk – eleventh division style.

"All right guys, we're gonna do our best, and kick those hollows' butts off!"

Raucous cheering followed.

Then the whistle blew.

"Go!"

Immediately Nanao charged forward at the head of her team, and began destroying hollows. In about one minute, the number of hollows had been reduced by about half, thanks mostly to her amazing kidou skills.

On the other hand, the Green Monkeys were not having quite as much fun. Indeed, they had skilled fighters on the scene, but Nanao's kidou skills were on par with at least any three of them combined. It didn't help that the idiotic Shiba Ganjyu was on their team. While his sister, Shiba Kuukaku, just acknowledged the fact that she couldn't perform kidou and had gone over to keep Renji company, Ganjyu had insisted on tagging along, and proved to be a huge distraction, running around the arena, screaming "Eeek! It's after me! It's after me!"

Of course, he naturally went to his own teammates for help, thus making them fight two hollows at once.

At the end of five minutes, the score stood thus:

Yellow Penguins: 144 hollows.

Green Monkeys: 25 hollows.

The Yellow Penguin supporters cheered wildly, eagerly anticipating the announcement of the rewards and the punishments.

Ishida and Ichigo destroyed the rest of the hollows relatively easily, and soon Ichigo was in the middle of the arena again, clutching the list of rewards and punishments.

"All right! As you can see, the winners for tonight are the Yellow Penguins!"

Cheers from the audience, along with some screams of "Tell us the reward!".

Ichigo took a deep breath.

"Their reward is…a day-long, already-paid-for session at the karaoke club in Karakura Town!"

The female members of the Yellow Penguins whooped happily. The guys, however, weren't as pleased.

"Not only do you lucky people get to sing and party all day, there is also an all-you-can-eat buffet for lunch and dinner, with a free flow of drinks!"

The guys looked slightly happier at this.

"And as for the Green Monkeys, they will also have quite an interesting lunch."

The Green Monkeys looked hopeful. Until Ichigo pronounced their death sentence.

"They will have lunch with Marechiyo Oomaeda."

The Green Monkeys were horrorstruck. A pin-drop silence reigned in the arena. Even the Yellow Penguins were revolted.

"With Oomaeda?"

Ichigo nodded enthusiastically.

"We got special permission from Soifon-taichou to borrow him for the whole afternoon!"

All glares turned to the petite captain, who accepted the attention with a regal wave of her hand.

"After that, the Green Monkeys will proceed back here to kick some unlucky person off their team."

With that ominous statement, the first challenge of the Seireitei Game Show ended.

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The next day, the difference between the Yellow Penguins and the Green Monkeys was very evident.

The Yellow Penguins had left for the club early that morning equipped with only a hangover cure, and Panadol.

The Green Monkeys, on the other hand, were frantically checking that they had enough supplies to last them through the entire torturous lunch. They looked through several huge duffel bags, at the same time referring to a checklist. The duffel bags contained several important items, including paper bags (to barf in), smelling salts (to revive those who fainted), Oomaeda-shaped voodoo dolls (for those who felt like stabing him/wringing his neck/castrating him with a rusty spoon etc), pins (for stabbing the voodoo dolls), and basins (should the paper bags fail).

Some brave shinigamis had bought special tickets to watch the punishment, and they were in the room, sitting in the viewing area behind a thick one-way mirror. It had easy access to the toilet, and paramedics on standby, in case any of them had the sudden urge to faint, or go on a barfing spree.

At noon, Oomaeda swaggered into the room, equipped with rice crackers, rice crackers, and more rice crackers. The Green Monkeys, already sitting at the table, paled, and started praying fervently to whatever gods listening that they had enough supplies.

Half an hour passed. Oomaeda had begun eating, stopping to dig his nose _and eat the boogers_ leisurely, completely unaware of his audience.

Soifon, sitting in the viewing area, smirked. Most of the audience had either vomited, or fainted, or both. Her lieutenant's actions had never made her feel sick in any way, but then again, she had never really watched him for four hours straight. Maybe her immunity would last for at most the first two hours.

For the Green Monkeys, things were much worse. Matsumoto and Nemu had already fainted, and no matter how much smelling salts Gin held under their noses, they simply would not wake up. Urahara and Ikkaku had put the voodoo dolls to good use, thwacking them with any available utensils on the table. Ganjyu alone had colonized every single barf bag, and was now hanging his head over the basin, weakly regurgitating his breakfast.

By that evening, none of the Green Monkeys wanted to see rice crackers ever again.

The Yellow Monkeys had all returned, glaring at one particular redhead.

"What?"

"Renji, don't you ever dare sing. Never again."

Startled by the amount of venom in Yoruichi's voice, he just nodded.

Back at the arena, Ichigo was getting ready for the elimination round.

"All right! Green Monkeys, each of you will write the name of somebody you want to eliminate and drop it in this box. the two people with the highest number of votes will battle it out in another challenge to decided who gets to stay. Got it?"

The Green Monkeys nodded, trying their best to ignore the giggling group of shinigamis known as the Yellow Penguins settling themselves comfortably in the seating arena among the audience.

One by one, they solemnly wrote a name and dropped it into the box Ichigo held.

Finally, Ichigo opened up the box and started reading off the names.

"First vote: Ikkaku."

He opened up another piece of paper.

"Ganjyu. Ganjyu. Ganjyu. Ganjyu. Ganjyu."

"Ikaku and Ganjyu, please come forward. Today's elimination challenge is one of dexterity and agility. Each of you will be given a bucket filled with paint bombs. These are balloons filled with glow-in-the-dark paint that explode upon impact. After five minutes of throwing these balloons, you will all stop, and we will turn off the arena lights. The one who glows less gets to stay."

Ikkaku and Ganjyu each grabbed a bucket.

Ganjyu sneered.

"Haha, you are so going to lose, baldy boy. Bombs are my forte."

Ikkaku rolled his eyes.

The starting bell rang.

Ganjyu lobbed a ball of paint at Ikkaku, hitting him in the chest.

Very pleased with this, he started doing a victory dance.

Ikkaku raised an eyebrow.

The next moment, Ganjyu found himself in the middle of a barrage of paint bombs that never seemed to end.

At the end of five minutes, Ichigo snapped his fingers, and the bright arena lights went off.

In the darkness, the audience noted that Ikkaku had a huge glowing green splat on his chest. Ganjyu, on the other hand, looked like he had just stepped out of a barrel of nuclear waste.

In other words, his entire body was glowing.

"First person to be eliminated on the Seireitei Game Show: Shiba Ganjyu!"

The crowd cheered.

Ichigo bowed.

Ikkaku grinned.

Ganjyu scowled.

And with that, the Yellow Penguins and the Green Monkeys departed.

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Ganjyu got voted off! Did that surprise you?

Next chapter: The second challenge! Here's a hint: it's not a physical challenge.

Want to find out more? Then review!

Thanks go out to my wonderful co-author, **sakukara95**. This challenge was her idea.

-espeon16


	5. Episode Two: Pitch Black

Another chapter!

Which is pretty fast, considering that the previous chapter was posted like, yesterday.

Yet another friend shall be introduced here, as another co-author: **SoifonSan-Kristycyw**. You can find her on deviantART. Just take the name, copy it onto the URL bar, and then add the '.' bit.

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The day after the first challenge, the mood at the Green Monkeys corner was quite cheerful. Now that a useless, annoying lump of fat wasn't shrieking around the place, the atmosphere was quite boisterous.

Of course, Kuukaku wasn't exactly in the best of moods when she'd heard the news, but she would shrug off any attempts to console her, saying that "that bastard had it coming to him anyway".

At six in the evening, after a (not so) filling meal of bonito, rice, and water, the eleven shinigamis headed to the arena.

Ichigo was standing there, loudspeaker at the ready, and the audience was a little restless.

"All right! Today's challenge isn't going to be a physical challenge, so it's a chance for those of you with brains and no brawn to shine! Even though Shiba Ganjyu was voted out last night, nobody from the Yellow Penguins is sitting out."

The Green Monkeys groaned.

Ichigo grinned. It was fun, torturing these poor shinigamis.

"Also, we have a special guest coming down to help us with tonight's challenge! Please welcome him, everybody!"

In the audience, Hisagi grinned to himself as he ate another fistful of popcorn. The soutaichou had noted that the shinigamis had missed their dinner to watch the show, and had decided that snacks would be sold by random unseated shinigamis walking up and down the aisles.

Kira sighed, and shook his head, as his longtime friend and drinking buddy sprayed another mouthful of soggy popcorn crumbs all over himself, and the surrounding shinigamis.

At the far end of the arena, a lone figure in white approached. A figure in white, with goggles and horribly braided hair, as if he'd done it in the dark. (Which technically, he had.)

The figure walked into the spotlight.

Hisagi choked on his mouthful of cola, spluttering a single word:

"TAICHOU?!"

For indeed, it was Kaname Tousen, captain of the ninth division, who stood there, in the center of the arena, hand resting calmly on his sword.

Ichigo sighed. Tousen had been one of the most reluctant to give permission to help in the challenges. After Tousen had consented, he then had to face the menial task of persuading Mayuri to create a video camera that could film in the conditions required. It took a long while. In the end, Ichigo had come back, saying that Mayuri had been 'persuaded' to create the cameras.

Of course, by 'persuaded', he meant 'threatened to give him a worse fate than Ishida had'.

So now, several twelfth division tech guys were running around, wielding the new cameras. The material filmed would be projected onto the screen, for the audience to see.

"The rules of this challenge are simple. Each team will have to complete a 500-piece puzzle. The group to finish first will win. The catch? Well, look and see."

Ichigo stepped back, safely out of range.

Tousen drew his sword.

Ichigo explained some more.

"Kaname-taichou here will release his bankai. This will mean that the puzzle must be solved in pitch-darkness, with no sense of sight. The ones who finish first will give a shout to notify Kaname-taichou, who will then cease using bankai."

The contenders separated meekly to the two tables in the arena, which were clearly labeled 'Penguins' and 'Monkeys'.

At the Yellow Penguins' table, a little quarrel was being staged over who should sit where.

At the Green Monkeys' table, Nemu was sitting, alone, at the table, the rest of the team around her like bodyguards.

"Three…two…one…All clear!"

Tousen put his hand to the ring on his sword's hilt.

"Bankai."

A dark balloon thing formed, trapping Tousen, the Yellow Penguins, the Green Monkeys and the cameramen within.

Of course, chaos ensued.

Through the screens, one could see everything that was happening. And why not? The cameras had been specially modified to film under such conditions.

The Yellow Penguins were panicking. You could say that they were flapping around. Like headless chickens.

'This is terrible', Renji thought. 'It's even worse than Kuchiki-taichou's death threats.'

Yumichika, on the other end, was close to hyperventilating.

"I can't see my beautiful face! My face! This isn't pretty at all!"

"Yumichika, shut up."

For the Green Monkeys, things were running relatively smoothly. Nemu was placing each piece slowly but surely into the puzzle, while everyone else waited anxiously for her to announce: "I'm done."

An hour or two later, Nemu fitted the last piece in, and whispered the sacred two words:

"Puzzle completed."

Ikkaku heard them, and whooped with joy.

"YESSSSS! We've finished the puzzle!"

A second later, the balloon disappeared.

Ichigo walked over to inspect the completed puzzle, and confirmed that it was, indeed, complete.

A pissed Nanao slammed down the piece she had been holding.

Ichigo handed a folded piece of paper to Nemu.

"This should help you in the next challenge. Use it anytime you want."

Nemu unfolded the paper. There, in neat, flowing script, was a single sentence.

You have a secret weapon.

"As for the losers, you'll be cleaning the sewers tomorrow!"

A collective groan arose.

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

The next day, Ichigo roused the Yellow Penguins bright and early to clean the sewers. After a hasty breakfast of bonito, rice, and water, they were dragged to the sewer entrance, where Yamada Hanatarou and Koetsu Isane were waiting for then with a huge mountain of cleaning supplies.

"Take your pick, please."

And before Hanatarou could start instructing them on how to use the equipment, he was dragged away by Isane, to leave the six 'prisoners' in peace.

Of course, pandemonium arose.

"What's this?"

"Eww! It's got bristles on it!"

"This one's got RAGS tied to a stick!"

"Is this soap?"

"Wow, that looks like juice! Give it to me, I'm thirsty!"

"Wait, Renji!"

"ARGH! It tastes WORSE than expired umeboshi!"

(Umeboshi = plum pickles)

"Breathe, Renji. Breathe. In. Out. In. Out."

At twelve noon, they were given a simple lunch of – you guessed it – rice, bonito and water.

At five in the evening, the sewers were sort of clean. Ichigo came to collect them for the elimination round.

"All right! Vote the name of someone you want eliminated, and drop it into this box!"

One by one, the six solemnly dropped the names in, and Ichigo read them out.

"First vote: Yumichika."

"Nanao. Yumichika. Yumichika. Yumichika. Yumichika."

"Nanao and Yumichika, come forward. Today's elimination challenge is simple. Complete the obstacle course first, and you win. Got it?"

Both nodded.

The starting whistle blew. Nanao took off at top speed. Wall. Balance beam. Piranha pool. Barbed wire. Monkey bars.

Yumichika made it all the way through, faster than Nanao, until he reached a suspiciously brown and sticky lake.

"Is this…mud?!"

"Yup!"

Upon hearing Ichigo's cheerful reply, Yumichika did what was probably the stupidest thing he had done so far on the show.

He sat at the edge of the lake of mud, and sulked.

"I am NOT going in there. It'll make me look ugly."

At the word 'ugly', he cringed.

Needless to say, Nanao won that elimination challenge, due to Yumichika's refusal to continue the obstacle course.

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

Second challenge complete!

Next chapter: the 'secret weapon' is unveiled!


	6. Episode Three: Secret Weapon

By the way, this is a repost, now with more content!

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

The next evening, many shinigamis had turned up early, ready for some action. At precisely 6 pm sharp, Ichigo stepped up to the center of the arena.

"All right! Last night, Ayasegawa Yumichika of the Yellow Penguins was kicked off the game, leaving both teams with an even number of players!"

He waved his arms enthusiastically, and as if on cue, the Yellow Penguins and the Green Monkeys filed in.

"Now, today's challenge is very interesting, because the 10 people here are not going to participate in the challenge! Instead, today's challenge is a guest challenge, which means 10 others are going to play for you! Oh, and just to let you know, we randomly picked these people."

"So…for the Yellow Penguins, representing Abarai Renji, captain of the sixth division, Kuchiki Byakuya!"

Renji gaped.

"Oh no."

"Representing Kuchiki Rukia, seventh seat of the fourth division, Yamada Hanatarou!"

"Representing Shihouin Yoruichi, captain of the second division, Soi Fong!"

"Representing Ise Nanao, captain of the eighth division, Kyouraku Shunsui!"

"And…representing Shiba Kuukaku, captain of the thirteenth division, Ukitake Jyuushirou!"

The crowd cheered wildly.

"Now for the Green Monkeys! First up, representing Madarame Ikkaku, vice-captain of the seventh division, Tetsuzaemon Iba!"

"Representing Rangiku Matsumoto, captain of the tenth division, Hitsugaya Toushiro!"

"Representing Ichimaru Gin, vice-captain of the third division, Kira Izuru!"

"Representing Urahara Kisuke, his shop helper, Ururu!"

"And…representing Kurotsuchi Nemu, captain of the twelfth division, Kurotsuchi Mayuri!"

"Today's challenge is this: Kusajishi Yachiru, vice-captain of the eleventh division, has been let loose somewhere in Seireitei. Your guest's job today is to locate her, secure her, and bring her back here! Use of zanpakutous, kidou, shunpo, shunko, etc is prohibited. Be warned, though, she has been fed 10 kilograms of toffee beforehand. Ready…set…go!"

The ten guests charged off at full speed, save for Mayuri, who declared that he didn't want to waste his time on 'catching that little gaki', and Byakuya, who deemed that walking in a dignified manner (i.e. at a speed to rival a snail's) was necessary in such conditions.

Hitsugaya spotted a pink blur round the corner. He lunged triumphantly at it, but his arms closed around empty air. He fell flat on his face. By the time he had lifted himself off the ground (about one second), the little pink creature known as Kusajishi Yachiru was already on the other side of Seireitei. Hitsugaya cursed his luck. He wished that he could have just frozen her into a pretty ice sculpture, which would have been much easier, not to mention faster.

Cursed competition rules.

On the other side of Seireitei, Byakuya had finally made it out of the arena. Then, he caught sight of a pink thing that was not Senbonzakura. Smirking, he drew from the voluminous sleeves of his shihakusho a packet of MnMs. (No rules dictated that the use of candy was forbidden, after all.)

"Byakkun!"

Yachiru leapt up, snatching the packet of candy. However, before he could catch her, she had crammed all the candy into her mouth, kicked his face, and run away, trampling on his noble and refined face in the process.

After Yachiru had left, leaving a giant dust cloud and a fluttering empty MnMs packet in her wake, Byakuya scowled. He would never enter a competition like this again. He picked up his no-longer-very-crisp-and-clean scarf from the dirt. He would never be able to get the drool stains off. Not to mention that his noble hairclips were broken, having been stepped on.

One hour later, nobody was having any luck. All they had managed to was tire themselves out. the ten participants, sitting in the seating arena, were very anxious. Very, very anxious.

Then Nemu remembered.

"Ano…don't we have a secret weapon?"

Ikkaku heard her, and yelled out:

"Oi! Ichigo, we wanna use our secret weapon!"

Ichigo nodded.

"Oi, Ishida! Get him out now!"

The Green Monkeys blinked, bewildered. Him?

Ichigo smirked.

"Presenting your secret weapon…Zaraki Kenpachi!"

Ikkaku nearly fainted.

"Tai…Taichou?!"

Kenpachi took no notice of him. He ran out of the arena to an open space, and yelled:

"Yachiru! If you don't come out now, you won't get anymore candy!"

"KEN-CHAN!!!!!"

A pink blur whizzed through the air, landing on Kenpachi's back.

"Ken-chan! IhadcandyitwassooooogoodandIwantsomemoredoyouthinkUki-kunhassomemoreKenchandidyaknowcandyissosweeeeeeetanditsveryveryniceandguesswhatKenchanihadawholelotjustnowanditwassooooogood!"

Kenpachi rolled his eyes, and charged back to the arena.

Ichigo whooped.

"And…the winners are the Green Monkeys! Congratulations to you, 'cause you've just won an onsen trip!"

Girls and guys alike cheered. After all, who didn't like how springs?

"As for the Yellow Penguins, you're gonna be treated to a very special performance!"

The Yellow Penguins winced.

Who knew what this 'performance' was going to be?

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

The next morning, the Green Monkeys had departed early, eager to make the most out of their onsen trip.

The Yellow Penguins, on the other hand, were dragged to a small auditorium. After sitting down nervously, Ichigo stepped up.

"All right, Yellow Penguins! We have a special guest with us today to give us a speech! Everyone, please welcome him!"

Ichigo then retreated to the small soundproof room at the back of the auditorium, where the other onlookers were.

The speaker walked forward.

Tousen Kaname.

He cleared his throat.

"Justice."

He paused for effect.

"Justice."

He paused again.

A shout rang out from the crowd.

"Just get on with it, you geezer!"

He sighed.

"Justice is the concept of moral rightness based on ethics, rationality, law, natural law, fairness and equity. Justice concerns the proper ordering of things and persons within a society. As a concept it has been subject to philosophical, legal, and theological reflection and debate throughout history. A number of important questions surrounding justice have been fiercely debated over the course of western history: What is justice? What does it demand of individuals and societies? What is the proper distribution of wealth and resources in society: equal, meritocratic, according to status, or some other arrangement? There is a myriad of possible answers to these questions from divergent perspectives on the political and philosophical spectrum. In his dialogue Republic, Plato uses Socrates to argue for justice which covers both the just person and the just City State. Justice is a proper, harmonious relationship between the warring parts of the person or city. Hence Plato's definition of justice is that justice is the having and doing of what is one's own. A just man is a man in just the right place, doing his best and giving the precise equivalent of what he has received. This applies both at the individual level and at the universal level. A person's soul has three parts – reason, spirit and desire. Similarly, a city has three parts – Socrates uses the parable of the chariot to illustrate his point: a chariot works as a whole because the two horses' power is directed by the charioteer. Lovers of wisdom – philosophers, in one sense of the term – should rule because only they understand what is good. If one is ill, one goes to a doctor rather than a quack, because the doctor is expert in the subject of health. Similarly, one should trust one's city to an expert in the subject of the good, not to a mere politician who tries to gain power by giving people what they want, rather than what's good for them. Socrates uses the parable of the ship to illustrate this point: the unjust city is like a ship in open ocean, crewed by a powerful but drunken captain (the common people), a group of untrustworthy advisors who try to manipulate the captain into giving them power over the ship's course (the politicians), and a navigator (the philosopher) who is the only one who knows how to get the ship to port. For Socrates, the only way the ship will reach its destination – the good – is if the navigator takes charge…"

On and on he rambled. Renji clutched his head and screamed in agony. Rukia and Urahara were trying very hard not to puke and Yoruichi was curled up in a ball, fingers in her ears. Nanao felt a raging headache developing, and started whacking her head repeatedly.

"Now, let's recap all my points again, shall we?"

After a long recap, everyone was having spasms in various degrees of severity. Some were twitching, others were sitting in the corner, convulsing violently. But Tousen's speech was far from over.

"I shall now tell you my story. It is the story of a boy deprived of justice and now determined to follow a path of justice."

He clicked some buttons, and some pictures appeared. As it turned out, he'd sought Mayuri's help in searching for them. Some were taken so badly that all that could be seen was a coloured blur. The others were probably taken by other people, and included ones with him in a swimsuit, in the shower, as a child, doing the hokey-pokey, and other pictures with content not fit to mention on a K+-rated Bleach fanfiction.

Four hours later, Tousen had finally finished his speech, so Ichigo dragged the lethargic Yellow Penguins to the twelfth division, where something interesting was waiting for them.

"Okay! Everyone, fill in those voting slips!"

Once this was done, Ichigo then proceeded to read out the votes.

"First vote: Nanao."

"Urahara. Nanao. Yoruichi. Yoruichi."

"Yoruichi and Nanao, come forward."

Ichigo looked gleeful.

"Today, we shall play human tetris! The rules are simple. At the start of each turn, you will see a board moving towards you. This board has a hole in it. If you can get through the hole, you get one point. If not, no points are awarded, and you get pushed by the board into that pool."

Ichigo indicated a square pool.

"Okay, let's get this started!"

Half an hour later, Yoruichi grinned as she easily cleared the last round. As expected, she'd cleared each and every round, while poor Nanao struggled through.

"And Yoruichi wins! Third person to leave the game, Ise Nanao!"

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

Did you like this chapter? Please don't hate me for kicking Nanao off.

Thanks to all who have reviewed so far, and keep reviewing!

Next chapter: Yet another non-physical challenge awaits!


	7. Episode Four: Silent Communication

So sorry for the long update, people!

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The next day, the Green Monkeys bounced happily into the arena, all geared up for the challenge. And why not? They had, after all, enjoyed a refreshing onsen trip the day before.

A full fifteen minutes later, Ichigo's patience finally wore out, and he dragged out the Yellow Penguins from where they were still trying to cure the raging headaches they had acquired during The Talk the day before.

"Okay!" Ichigo yelled happily. "Today's challenge is part physical, part mental. All contestants will participate in a game of Charades. This game will have four rounds. Sadly for the Green Monkeys, after I lost the massive jyan-ken-pon (rock-paper-scissors in Japanese) showdown last night with that geek over there," here he pointed at Ishida, "it has been decided that one of you will sit out."

The Green Monkeys made a face.

"Each team will send out one person per round up here. I will give them a word, and they must act out their interpretation of the word. Any form of communication other than acting will result in your immediate disqualification, and your opponent will win that round."

After a quick discussion, Nemu managed to convince the rest of her team of her lack of acting ability, and headed to the spectators' stand.

"Okay! First round begins now! Please send up one representative."

Rukia got up from the Yellow Penguins side, and joined Urahara in the center.

Grinning, Ichigo stuck his hand into a huge box beside him, and pulled out a slip of paper. He showed it to the two.

Instantly, Rukia smothered a squeal, and ran back to the Yellow Penguins.

"3…2…1…Start!"

Urahara positioned his hands on his chest, palms parallel to the ground, facing downwards, and at right angles to his body. He began hopping around, a deranged look on his face.

"Kangaroo!" A yell came from the Green Monkeys.

"Frog!"

"Beachball!"

"Sugar high!"

Urahara flapped his arms around, desperately trying to get his teammates back on track.

"Flying!"

Meanwhile, Rukia was having more luck. She thumped herself on the chest, and made a heart with her fingers.

"Chappy!"

"Rabbit!"

"Playboy!" Renji stupidly yelled. In the audience, Byakuya made a mental note to slice Renji to bits with Senbonzakura.

Kuukaku whacked Renji on the head.

"Rukia wouldn't like Playboy bunnies, idiot."

Yoruichi's face lit up.

"Bunny!"

Rukia whooped with joy.

Ichigo smirked.

"One point to the Yellow Penguins! Second round begins now, so please send your representatives up."

Kuukaku stretched lazily, and walked towards Ichigo. On the other side of the arena, Gin got up, grin on his face as usual.

Ichigo fished another strip of paper out of the box.

"3…2…1…Start!"

Kuukaku began to make farting sounds.

"Garlic!"

"Toilet!"

"Oomaeda!"

This put the audience in stitches, save for one rice-cracker-eating fatso in the third row.

Gin raised a finger, and mimed drawing a small circle in the air. He then mimed picking up the small circle, and popping it into his mouth.

"Grape!"

"Strawberry!"

"Raisin!"

"Blueberry!"

"Raspberry!"

Gin grinned, and flashed a thumbs-up. 'Raspberry', it turned out, was correct.

"Okay! Next round begins now!"

Renji got up, and headed to Ichigo. Matsumoto followed behind, from the Green Monkeys' side.

Both of them glanced at the slip of paper.

They started pointing frantically at Yoruichi, and making heart shapes with their fingers.

Yoruichi looked up.

"What?"

The Green Monkeys began guessing.

"Milk!"

"Catnip!"

"Fish!"

"Scratching post!"

"Yarn!"

Yoruichi scowled, thankful that her dark skin hid her blush.

The Yellow Penguins were slightly luckier.

"Urahara!"

"Kuchiki-taichou!"

"Soifon!"

Renji nodded frantically.

Ichigo grinned.

"Yellow Penguins are currently leading with 2 points, while Green Monkeys have one! Time for the final round!"

Ikkaku and Yoruichi got up.

Ikkaku took one look at the slip of paper, and choked.

Yoruichi bent down, and indicated the ground.

"Grass!"

She nodded, and placed her hands on her waist, flaring them out.

"Modelling!"

"Skirt!"

She nodded again. She jabbed a finger at Rukia, who had yelled 'grass', and then at Kuukaku, who had yelled 'skirt'. She did this repeatedly, until someone yelled out:

"Grass skirt!"

She whooped in joy, throwing her hands up in the air.

Ikkaku scowled, stopping the terrible Hawaiian dance he was attempting to do. Yoruichi kind of pitied the poor guy, who was currently being bombarded with shouts of 'hooker' and 'drunkard'.

She really did.

Ichigo grinned happily.

"And…the winner is…the Yellow Penguins!"

The Yellow Penguins whooped in joy. After losing twice, victory felt so good.

"Your reward is to pick the two unlucky people from the Green Monkeys who will go for the elimination round!"

He turned to the Green Monkeys.

"As for you, you'll get to fight Kenpachi tomorrow!"

They groaned.

Ikkaku covered his face with his hands.

"Fight with taichou…? I'll die!"

Ichigo grinned a sadistic grin.

"I told him not to kill you guys, don't worry!"

……………………………………………………………………………………………

The next day, the Green Monkeys began to pack a huge duffel bag.

30 rolls of bandages, filched from the Fourth division, each 50m long.

Antiseptic, 25 bottles, also filched from the Fourth.

Five foldable stretchers, filched from the Fourth's basement.

Electric paddles (the ones used on people whose hearts have stopped due to cardiac arrest), plus power source.

Five wills, duly signed and approved.

Smelling salts, 47 bottles.

Five foldable wheelchairs.

In fact, listing out the full contents of the duffel bag would probably take up enough paper to flood Hitsugaya's office.

Accompanied by Yamada Hanatarou and his medical team, they set off.

(Due to the author's inability to write fighting scenes, the readers will have to be content with imagining all the blood and gore that must have been shed. The author is very sorry for this.)

Five hours later, they were wheeled to the Fourth division for immediate treatment. Kenpachi was as good as his word, and the most major injury caused was a fractured wrist.

The Green Monkeys were then dragged to the arena, where two huge rooms with curtains had been set up.

The Yellow Penguins bounced in soon after. Ichigo spoke to them briefly, and they got into a group huddle. After a few minutes, they straightened up.

"We've decided."

Ichigo nodded energetically, signaling for them to continue.

"The two we have chosen for the elimination round are…Ikkaku and Matsumoto."

Said people groaned simultaneously, smacking their foreheads with their palms.

Ichigo just grinned wider.

"All right! The elimination challenge is very simple. We will give you a theme, and you are to run to your respective wardrobes, and dress according to it. There are three rounds. You will be judged by speed, relevance to the criteria, and overall aesthetic appeal. This wardrobe," he indicated the pink one, "has female clothing, while that wardrobe," he flung out his other amr to point at the blue one at the other end of the arena, "has male clothing."

Ikkaku gaped.

"Wait…ya mean that this is a _dress-up_ contest?!"

"Yep."

"But…I'll DIEEEEE!"

"So?"

Ikkaku pulled a face.

Matsumoto came up, and whacked him heartily on the back.

"Don't worry, dress-up is fun!"

"And that's supposed to comfort me?"

Ichigo cleared his throat.

"You first theme is: Medieval. Ready...get set…go!"

They raced off.

After thirty seconds, Matsumoto pranced out, wearing a frilly pink dress and a tiara. (Ishida, who had kindly made the clothes, had the foresight not to create anything too revealing.)

Another two minutes and many muffled curses later, Ikkaku emerged, with a full set of rusty armour.

The judges, Orihime and Ishida, walked forward, examining the outfits. They murmured to each other, taking notes.

Ichigo glanced at the notepad that Ishida chucked in his face.

"First point goes to…Matsumoto!"

Matsumoto grinned happily.

"Second theme: Foreign."

Matsumoto came out after 25 seconds, dressed in a Chinese _cheongsam_, complete with silk fan and slippers.

The Yellow Penguins stared. How could anyone change that fast?

Three minutes later, Ikkaku came out. Apparently, he had misinterpreted 'foreign' as 'outlandish'.

Ishida gagged.

Ikkaku was wearing a grass skirt. And a flowery lei.

Ichida could only give thanks that he had the foresight to sew a coloured lining beneath the grassy layer of the skirt. He had put it there as a joke. Never had he expected it to be worn, for this theme, no less.

Orihime was of the same opinion.

Victory in the second round went to Matsumoto.

"Theme number 3 is… black and white."

In seventeen seconds, Matsumoto ran out, dressed in a white blouse and slim black pants.

Ikkaku came out a minute later. He had taken 'black and white' way to seriously. He stood in front of the judges, clad in a black shirt with white vertical stripes, and a pair of white pants with black horizontal stripes.

Orihime winced. Mentally, she reminded herself never to let Ishida mix in 'joke clothing' in wardrobes should this challenge ever happen again. Men, it seemed, didn't realize that some clothes just could not be worn.

Matsumoto grinned. Three rounds. She'd won all three rounds.

Ikkaku scowled.

"The next person kicked off the show, Madarame Ikkaku!"

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

I hope this was all right…

Next chapter: A difference in taste _does_ matter.

A/N: 'Farting' is often referred to as 'blowing a raspberry'. Therefore, Kuukaku and the farting noises.

Oh, and please vote on my poll! It's a tiebreaker version of the previous one.


	8. Episode Five: Mochi

A/N: Just to clear up doubts raised by those who did not read the author's note at the end of the previous chapter, 'farting' is referred to by posh people as 'blowing raspberries'. Therefore, the relevance between the farty-noises and the raspberries.

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

Once again, the number of players on both teams was equal. Each team now had four members.

Both entered the arena at the same time, only to be confronted with two huge block-like things covered in cloth.

Ichigo stepped up to the center of the arena.

"All right! Today's challenge is very simple. You all like mochi, right?"

(A/N: Mochi is a popular Japanese dessert.)

A roar of agreement met his words.

"Well, today, you guys are in luck! In each of these boxes are 150 mochi boxes. You all have half an hour to eat as many as possible. The team that manages to eat more by the end of the time limit wins. Got it?"

The cloths were yanked away, to reveal to giant boxes filled with psychedelic colour.

"By the way, Inoue colour-coded the mochi according to flavour."

Whispers suddenly filled the arena.

"Inoue?"

"One of the ryoka, right?"

"Her cooking skills should be good…"

How wrong they were.

The whistle blew, signaling the start of the challenge.

Rukia snatched up a greenish-blue one.

"Wait…what did you use to colour the mochi?"

"Edible food dye."

"Should be safe, then."

She popped the ball into her mouth, whole.

Immediately, she began gagging.

"Eew! What flavour is this?"

Orihime picked up a 50 metre-long list and consulted it.

"Hmm…turquoise mochi…oh! Liver and strawberries blended together with some mayonnaise!"

Renji winced.

He cautiously picked a whitish one from the huge pile.

"Looks normal…should be safe…"

He popped it into his mouth, and chewed. Then he spat the mangled mass back out.

"Gross!"

Ishida grabbed the list and looked through.

"That was…tuna and honey."

Kuukaku bit into a pink-and-yellow one, only to spew it all out, onto the face of a certain redhead.

Ishida's eyes traveled down the list.

"Pink with yellow stripes…palm oil, brownie bits and fish paste."

In the audience, Isane winced. Fish paste scared her.

Yoruichi nibbled on the edge of a dark green one. When she didn't die after five seconds, she crammed it all into her mouth.

"Hmm…somehow, catnip suits her…"

Meanwhile, the Green Monkeys were having a bit more luck.

Ikkaku demolished a mochi ball in seconds, pleased to find that the combination of chocolate and cream overpowered the spicy taste of wasabi.

Gin had bent to pick up a neon green one with bright orange polka-dots.

"Hmm…tasty."

Chad wrestled the list away from Ishida.

"Tasty?! That was red bean, soy sauce, and bittergourd!"

Matsumoto, who had always been a huge fan of Orihime's cooking, had devoured 15 by the time Renji had made his way through his first mochi ball.

Nemu, next to her, was eating her way steadily through the sweet confections.

"I have an iron stomach," she said. "Vile tastes do not affect me. Mayuri-sama made me this way."

Half an hour later, there were six shinigamis lying on the floor, unable to eat anymore.

Renji, who had fainted halfway through his third mochi when Chad misread 'loofa' as 'pufferfish'. Pufferfish was poisonous, after all.

Rukia, who had collapsed the moment Orihime happily told her that the violently pink mochi actually held rabbit meat.

Kuukaku, lying weakly on the floor, after heaving the stomach equivalent of four-and-a-half mochi balls plus breakfast onto Renji.

Yoruichi, now suffering a stomachache after eating a mochi ball with a blend of cat food, dog food, and fish food.

Gin, finally admitting defeat after consuming 10 mochi balls, including one with sunflower seeds, jalapeno peppers, and lemon juice.

Ikkaku, who agreed that five mochi balls with wasabi included in the filling was just five too many.

Nemu and Matsumoto were happily sitting by a nearly-empty box.

Ichigo, Ishida, Chad, and Orihime calculated the total number of mochi eaten. (Half-eaten ones didn't count.

Yellow Penguins: 12 mochi.

Green Monkeys: 145 mochi.

"And…the winners are the Green Monkeys! Congratulations! You guys will be helping out in the preparations for tomorrow's punishments as a reward! As for the Yellow Penguins, tomorrow will be a very exciting day for you! The punishment will remain secret until tomorrow. Please gather at the arena at 11am sharp."

Ichigo rambled on, not noticing that the Yellow Penguins were barely conscious.

Back at the inn in Rukongai, Renji stood over the sink, heaving his insides into the little white bowl.

"Are you done, Renji? We need the sink too."

Rukia's weak voice drifted in from the other side of the closed door.

"Shaddup! Go get a paper bag or something! I'm busy!"

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

Orihime waltzed around the kitchen the next morning.

"Hmm…some of this…a bit of that…"

"This too."

Gin held out a box labeled 'Scooby Snax'.

"Thanks, Ichimaru-san!"

Humming to herself, she mixed a generous portion of the brown crumbly stuff into the greenish mixture in her mixing bowl.

"Some of this," said Nemu, holding out a rusty can of sardines.

"Don't forget the pepper! Very important!" Matsumoto sang, dropping a plastic container in front of Orihime.

The Green Monkeys were helping Orihime prepare for that afternoon's punishment. All but Ikkaku, who was currently lounging on the sofa, refusing to do 'sissy stuff'.

Soon, noon time rolled around. The Yellow Penguins entered the arena reluctantly, to be confronted by a long table covered in a red cloth.

Ichigo stepped out.

"All right guys, I'm really sure you just _loved_ the mochi from yesterday, right?"

The sarcasm in Ichigo's voice was hard to miss.

"Well, the chef was so pleased tat you loved her mochi so much, that she decided to make you lucky guys a three-course meal!"

A chorus of groans met this.

"Not only that, but the Green Monkeys helped out too! So…without further ado, please welcome…Inoue!"

Orihime bounced in, dragging behind her a trolley filled with dishes.

"Hi everyone! Lunch is here~"

She bent down, and set three covered plates in front of each shinigami.

"For appetizer, I made beansprout salad with natto, whipped cream, and spinach dressing, and Scooby Snax crumbled on top."

(Natto is Japanese fermented bean…I think. It's very sticky and stinky.)

"Scooby…Snax…?"

"Yup! It's high-quality dog biscuits I saw on a show! Even the humans ate it!"

"…"

"And the main course is sardines, in a black pepper sauce, with mashed yam and vanilla pods!"

Matsumoto grinned. Thank goodness Orihime hadn't forgotten the pepper.

"Dessert is mochi. Judging by the leftovers, the most popular flavour was spinach and sour gummies blended with curry leaves, so I made that. There's also a drink, chocolate and mayonnaise milkshake with curry powder sprinkled on top."

Renji stared forlornly at the three shiny plates and one glass in front of him.

Ichigo took back the mike.

"And…no one is to leave here until they finish everything they've been served! On your marks…get set…go!"

Nine sets of plate covers were whipped off. Putrid steam arose from the plates, colouring the air above the four diners purple, orange, green, and pink. A distinct whiff of rotten eggs was in the air.

Rukia poked sullenly at her salad. Popping a brownish crumb into her mouth, she decided that it wasn't that bad, and proceeded to carefully extract all brown bits from her salad. Thankfully, she loved natto almost as much as she loved Chappy, so she made her way relatively fast through the salad.

Renji picked up a lettuce leaf, looked at it suspiciously, sniffed it, and then crammed it into his mouth. The gross-sounding salad dressing actually tasted a little like porridge if one closed his eyes, he discovered. Unfortunately, while attempting to polish off the salad with his eyes closed, he ended up dropping a cream-encrusted leaf onto Yoruichi's face.

Kuukaku had decided to begin with the main course. She stabbed the sardines, and began to eat. She immediately gagged, sending sardine bits flying into Renji and Rukia, sitting opposite her.

"Inoue, how much pepper did you put?!"

"Pepper…I think…about the whole bottle, maybe?"

Kuukaku choked, and took a long, good swig from the milkshake glass. Coughing, she expelled the mouthful out and onto Renji's sardines.

Renji looked mournfully at the small lump of goop on his sardines. Slowly, it began to melt, diluting the pepper sauce.

Yoruichi decided to employ an old trick Urahara had taught her. Hold your breath, cram in a lot of food, swallow, and then release your breath. Apparently, it was supposed to lessen the nastiness of the food.

Amazingly, it sort of worked.

After four hours, they finally finished all the food. They dragged themselves back to the inn for a mere hour of puking and rest, before the elimination round began.

They headed to the arena once again.

Ichigo grinned, as he looked at the four slips of paper that the contestants had just given him.

"Hmm…let's see…First vote: Renji."

"Kuukaku. Renji. Kuukaku. Renji and Kuukaku, please come up."

"Today's elimination round is relatively simple to grasp the concept of. Run around this arena. The one who collapses first loses. Ready?"

The shinigamis who had gathered to watch cheered.

"Go!"

They began to run. And run. And run.

An hour ticked by. Neither one showed any signs of stopping.

Two hours.

Three.

Finally, it was midnight. Kira's face was nodding very dangerously into his umpteenth barrel of tea. Beside him, Hisagi's hand was very close to tipping the contents of the almost-full soda bottle (his twentieth) into his fifteenth bucket of popcorn.

Kuukaku groaned.

"Darn."

She collapsed, face-first, onto the track.

Renji whooped. Or tried to, anyway. After all, he had been running for seven hours straight. No one could blame him for not having enough energy.

"Thank you taichou! I'll never complain again when you chase me around Seireitei with you pink fluffy sissy zanpakutou!"

Byakuya's face twisted into a scowl. He rested his elegant hand on the hilt of his noble sword.

He was about to draw it, and slice Renji into ribbons, when…

"Bakudou number 99! **Kin**!"

Black bands bound Byakuya's arms together. On the other side of the ring, Tessai, former captain of the Kido forces and Urahara's shop helper, stood up. Ukitake, next to Byakuya, attempted to calm the enraged taichou down.

Ichigo lifted the mike blearily.

"And…the winner is Renji. Next person to be kicked off the show, Kuukaku. Good night!"

With that, he collapsed on the podium. He was snoring before he even hit the ground.

Ishida shook his head resignedly.

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

Next chapter: Finally something physical at last!

Please go vote on my (brand new) poll. Please? Thanks.


	9. Episode Six: Rickshaw

The following day, the Yellow Penguins trudged into the arena, followed by the Green Monkeys.

Renji looked rather miserable. Who could blame him? After all, he was forced to run non-stop right after puking his guts out.

Ichigo surveyed the seven shinigamis in front of him.

"All right! Today's challenge will be a physical one! Oh, and because I won the massive jyan-ken-pon face-off with Geeky Boy over there, no one is sitting out today."

The Yellow Penguins groaned at this.

Ichigo smirked.

"Today's challenge is very simple: lifting weights. Whoever can lift the weights for the longest time, wins. Of course, since this is group work, if you win, it means that your group wins. Now, I have a very special assistant here today to help me out. Please welcome lieutenant of the Third Division…Kira Izuru!"

Kira stepped out into the arena. One hand was on the hilt of his sword, the other, pushing back his massive bangs.

"Kira here will release his sword, and will keep hitting that 1 kg weight until you collapse. The longer you remain standing, the heavier the load you carry. Whoever collapses within the longest period of time, wins. Simple?"

The seven shinigamis nodded.

"Then, without further ado, we shall begin."

Kira stepped up to the center, and drew his sword.

"Raise your head…Wabisuke."

His sword became angular and bent.

"Okay, I'm ready."

Hisagi, in the audience, grinned. Stuffing a fistful of popcorn into his mouth, he did his best to ignore the rice-cracker crumbs falling onto his hair from the fat idiot sitting behind him.

Gin walked forth, face set. Bending over, he picked up one of the seven 1 kg weights on the ground.

Kira looked at a stopwatch Ishida was holding up at eye level for him. He was to whack the weight once every fifteen seconds, and Ishida was to stop the timing once the contestant collapsed.

"Begin."

_Thwang_. The sword contacted with the weight, creating a harsh, metallic sound.

1 kg multiplied to become 2.

Kira whacked it again.

Gin just stood there, holding it, grinning.

At 8 kg, Gin's arms were beginning to sag, just a little.

At 16 kg, beads of sweat began to trickle down his face.

At 32 kg, he collapsed.

Ishida checked the timing.

"1 minute, 1.5 seconds."

Gin staggered off, while Yoruichi stepped forward, picking up another 1 kg weight.

Kira began to whack it.

2 kg.

4 kg.

8 kg.

Yoruichi's face began to show some strain.

16 kg.

She winced, and dropped it, narrowly missing her foot by less than a hair's breadth.

"55 seconds."

Yoruichi scowled.

Nemu walked forwards nervously.

She picked up yet another 1 kg weight.

Ishida began timing.

Kira hit it once.

Twice.

She dropped it, her thin arms shaking.

Ishida glanced at the face of the stopwatch.

"18 seconds."

"Ow!"

Rukia came tumbling forwards, having just been pushed forwards by Renji.

She made a face at Renji, before turning to pick up a weight.

Kira's sword hit the weight.

He hit it again.

And again.

Rukia's legs began to tremble.

Right after Kira's sword had made the weight 16 kg, she dropped it.

Renji sighed. _Pathetic_, he thought. _No one has beaten that Ichimaru-taichou's score yet._

"45.5 seconds."

Urahara bounced forwards. Grabbing a weight, he waited impatiently for Kira to begin.

_Thwack. Thwack. Thwack. Thwack. Thwack._

At 32 kg, he collapsed, with a timing of 1 minute 10 seconds. He had beaten Gin's score.

Matsumoto walked forwards. Held the weight.

At 16 kg, she dropped it…right on Ishida's foot.

"YEOWCH!"

"Oops. Sorry."

Ishida hopped away, massaging his throbbing foot, leaving Chad to read out the timings.

"Eh…46 seconds."

Renji sighed. He was the last one left. _I must beat Urahara's score! I must!_

Scowling, he bent to pick up the one remaining weight.

Kira began to hit it.

2 kg.

4 kg.

8 kg.

16 kg.

Renji's face remained impassive.

32 kg.

He gritted his teeth. He was _so_ not going to lose out to that shopkeeper.

64 kg.

And then, Renji dropped the weight, squishing a few spiders on the ground, and ruining their touching family reunion, as well as orphaning a few spider babies.

But he didn't care. He'd won!

Ichigo grinned.

"And…the winners are…the Yellow Penguins! Congratulations, you've just won yourselves a day trip to Ishimura Town!"

(A/N: Ishimura Town is a fictional town next to Karakura.)

The Yellow Penguins whooped. Ishimura was a town famous for its food, its yukatas, and its 100-something km long Ishimura bridge, connecting it to Kyoto.

(A/N: Kyoto is a _real_ place. In Japan.)

"As for the losers, you guys get to go to Ishimura too, but you guys will have a very different experience. Let's just say it involves lots of speed and stamina."

Ichigo grinned evilly.

Nemu put her face in her hands.

"I am in deep trouble."

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

The next day, the Yellow Penguins were feeling particularly happy. They had an allowance of 10,000 yen to spend in Ishimura.

The Green Monkeys woke early, and began to warm up. All were dressed in shirts and shorts. After all, it seemed as if their punishment was going to involve strenuous exercise, according to Matsumoto's 'gut instinct'.

Matsumoto's 'gut instinct' was correct.

When they arrived at Ishimura, they were confronted with four rickshaw sets.

"Okay guys, today, you guys will be rickshaw pullers. Go around town, and lug the people around town. Whatever money you guys earn will be donated to fund the hospitals in the Fourth Division. Report back here at five. Got it?"

A chorus of dull groans arose.

And so, their day began.

A fat, portly man flagged down Urahara's rickshaw.

"Ishimura hospital, please."

"Okay."

Urahara glanced at the mini-GPS he had temporarily installed on his rickshaw handle.

He kept glancing at it during the entire trip. Resulting in him running randomly across the road, barely missing traffic, and leaving a trail of angry drivers in his wake. Fifteen minutes later, he dropped off his pale, shaking client, who tossed 100 yen in his face and ran away, muttering something about a bathroom.

Urahara fished a coin out from the folds of his shirt, where it had landed.

"Weirdo."

Nemu wasn't having much luck. Her client had asked to be taken to the shopping center. It was a mere 15 km away. Unfortunately, halfway through, Nemu collapsed, and was excused from all further trips. Unfortunately, this caused an outcry of rage when Ichigo announced it over the walkie-talkies that the others had. Therefore, Ichigo, slightly annoyed with the other Green Monkeys, told Nemu that she was disqualified, that he was very sorry, none of this was his fault, and that it was her teammates pressuring him to do this.

She sighed.

"It's okay."

Matsumoto sighed. She was hot and tired. Luckily, not many people came to find her, probably distrustful of her running ability with her 'assets'. She sighed. Hopefully, nobody would ask her to cross the bridge.

Little did she know that Gin was suffering that fate. He had stumbled upon Yoruichi, who had promptly asked him to ferry her across the bridge. When he reached the other side, breathing heavily, she threw him some money and walked away. Barely a minute later, Rukia appeared, boarded his rickshaw, and ordered him to go back across the Ishimura bridge. He spent the rest of the day ferrying people back and forth, over the bridge.

When 5 o'clock finally came, Ichigo, accompanied by Unohana, located the three collapsed shinigami on the streets of Ishimura. (Nemu had returned to Soul Society following her disqualification.) They were dragged all the way to a secluded area, where Unohana released Minazuki, which swallowed the three shinigamis up, and opened a senkaimon.

Needless to say, they all suffered severe leg cramps when they woke up.

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

Just to clarify, Nemu was disqualified, because all her team members felt it was unfair that she didn't have to go through the punishment while they had to.

Next chapter: Yet another physical challenge! The contestants go military.

Please, please, please go vote on the poll on my profile page! It's a revised one, so if you voted before last week, this is sort of brand-new.


	10. Episode Seven: Sakura Petals

So sorry for the long wait, everyone!

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Ichigo stepped up onto the platform in the arena.

Each team now had an even number of players – three. The finale was slowly drawing closer.

The Yellow Penguins walked in, followed by the Green Monkeys.

Ichigo grinned, and raised the megaphone to his lips.

"Yo! Today, we'll be doing something completely physical. An obstacle course!"

There was racous cheering from the males, and groans from the females.

"But first, a few rules. No use of shikai, bankai, kidou, shunpo, shunko, etcetera is allowed. Use of aforementioned techniques will result in an immediate disqualification, and subsequent elimination for a member of the disqualified team," Ichigo droned, looking at a list of rules Ishida had drawn up and chucked into his face.

"Also, the entire team must gather together after completing each obstacle. You are only permitted to conquer the next obstacle after your entire team has completed the previous one."

"There will be cameras installed everywhere on the course. Try not to destroy them, or risk facing the wrath of the twelfth division captain."

"Okay, you ready?"

"YEAH!"

Ichigo picked up a whistle.

"3…2…1…"

_PHWEE!_

The whistle blew, and the six shinigamis headed to the first obstacle.

The Hall of Mirrors.

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

Matsumoto peered at the mirrors.

"I see me!"

Urahara rolled his eyes.

"Duh. It's a _mirror_."

Matsumoto sighed.

"I knew that."

Rukia stood in front of a mirror, hands on hips.

"I am _not_ that fat!"

"Trick mirror, doofus."

"What are we supposed to do?"

"Find the exit, I guess."

Renji's eyes lit up.

"I bet it's somewhere…there!"

He pointed to a random corridor lined with mirrors.

He ran towards the direction he had pointed.

Five seconds later, a loud _THUNK_ was heard.

"OW! Dead end!"

The other five sweatdropped.

After Renji had helped them determine that all corridors led to dead ends, Gin had a sudden brainwave. He went up to one of the mirrors, and knocked on it.

Rukia stared at him.

"What are ya? Nuts?"

Gin sighed.

"The door's hidden behind one of the mirrors. I'm knocking each one to see which one sounds hollow. That one hides the door."

They split up, and began knocking (or kicking,) their way through the mirrors.

Half an hour later…

"YESSSS! It sounds hollow!"

Everyone turned to Yoruichi, standing in front of a squarish mirror.

"AWWRIGHT! Stand aside, I'll break it down with my ultra super-duper amazing karate kick!"

Renji raised his leg, and kicked the mirror hard.

"OW! My toe!"

Urahara whacked his face with his palm.

Pushing Renji (still nursing his throbbing toe), and pushed the mirror gently. It slid sideways, like a sliding door.

Matsumoto whooped, and ran towards the light at the end of the tunnel that the door had opened to, dragging her teammates Urahara and Gin along behind her. Rukia, Renji, and Yoruichi followed closely, Renji hopping on one foot.

The next obstacle was a wall with oddly-shaped rocks protruding from it.

Rukia looked at it.

"Eh?"

Urahara sighed.

"It's a rock-climbing wall. You climb it."

He began to climb, followed by Gin.

Yoruichi looked at the two guys climbing steadily higher.

"Hmm…shouldn't be much of a challenge."

Renji and Rukia began to climb as well.

Matsumoto rolled her eyes. She walked around the wall, and somehow (amazingly) managed to worm her way through the small gap in between the rock-climbing wall and the wall of the corridor they were walking through.

"They never said you had to climb it."

Once the Green Monkeys had gathered at the foot of the wall, they began their sprint to the next obstacle.

The Yellow Penguins soon followed, slowed down by a hopping Renji and a panting Rukia.

Yoruichi stopped stock-still, staring in shock at the newest obstacle.

"It's a swamp."

Renji stared.

"It's a frickin' _swamp_."

Rukia peered at the surface of the gurgling yellow swamp.

"There are stepping-stones. If we use them, we can get to the other side."

She pointed to the opposite bank, about 5km away, where there was a grove of sakura trees

Urahara sighed.

"Can't we wade across?"

He began to wade across the sickly yellow swamp. Five steps in, he began to sink.

"AAAH! It's quicksand! I'm sinking! I'm –"

He was cut off abruptly, as he sank below the surface with a gurgle.

He reappeared on the bank, next to Matsumoto.

"I think they've cast some kidou on the quicksand. When you sink in it, you get transported to the beginning point. Looks like we have no choice but to use the stepping-stones."

Ten minutes later, the shinigamis were hopping from stone to stone.

Urahara attempted to do a graceful swan leap. Gin, deluded into thinking that he was Odette from _Swan Lake_, did the same thing at the same instant. They crashed into each other, and sank (not very) gracefully into the quicksand.

Renji wobbled rather precariously on one foot in the middle of the swamp. He stuck out his arms, trying to gain balance, when a wind began to blow. A single sakura petal dislodged itself, and flew past his face.

"Eee! Sakura!"

Arms flapping like a headless chicken, Renji fell off, and descended into the murky depths of the quicksand swamp.

The three females stood on the opposite bank, watching their male teammates try (and then fail) to cross the quicksand-swamp.

Yoruichi shook her head slowly.

"The incompetence of men…"

Another fifteen minutes saw the Green Monkeys team charging off. Gin and Urahara had finally managed to do their swan leaps without crashing into each other.

"Come on, Renji!"

"Don't think about the sakuras!"

"Please!"

Renji stood, once again, in the middle of the swamp.

"Mummy…help me…I'm scared of sakuras…"

Rukia stared at him for a second, before proceeding to roll on the ground, shaking in spasms of laughter.

Yoruichi groaned, as a cheer of "YESS! We win!" came from somewhere behind her.

"We've lost."

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

Matsumoto stretched happily on the deck of the cruise. They had won, as a reward, a day-long river cruise trip on the Rukon river.

She noticed three figured in black in the swamp next to the river.

She tapped Gin on the shoulder.

"Isn't that Renji?"

Gin squinted (if it is actually possible for him to squint harder than he already is) and affirmed that yes, Renji was in the swamp. Swiping Urahara's binoculars, he announced that Rukia and Yoruichi were there too.

They were cleaning the swamp.

Matsumoto blinked. And then started waving frantically.

"Yoo-hoo!"

Yoruichi turned. She saw Matsumoto, standing on the deck of a river cruise, camera around her neck.

She groaned.

_Ichigo…you really had to rub it in…_

Urahara nudged Matsumoto.

"Hey! If you take pictures of them, you can give them to Nanao to put in the Shinigami Women's Association yearbook!"

Rukia panicked. The SWA yearbook was a yearly publication by the SWA, full of juicy gossip, and demeaning pictures. Every year, once it was published, it sold like hotcakes. It was more popular than even the Seireitei News. If pictures of them clearing the swamp were featured, they would never be able to live the shame down.

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

At five, the very disgruntled Yellow Penguins made their way to the arena for the elimination challenge. They had been unable to stop Matsumoto on her phototaking rampage, and she had captured various pictures of them in the swamp. Not to mention that when the cruise swerved off, t had created a miniature tidal wave, drenching the three of them.

The arena held three target boards. Ichigo grinned, rattling a small box.

"Okay, people. You know the drill. Voting slips in here, please."

He looked at the three slips.

"Renji. Rukia. Renji. Renji and Rukia, please step forwards."

He gestured to the target boards.

"Today's challenge is rather simple. To win, simply place your marker higher than your opponent's on the target board."

The target boards had been divided into three zones, from the bottom to the top. The lowest one read (from the bottom) 1, 2, 3. The middle board read 4, 5, 6. The highest one read 10, 20, 30.

Ichigo opened the box he was holding, to reveal six Velcro pads. Three red, three blue. He handed the red ones to Rukia, and the blue ones to Renji.

"We will start with the lowest board. When I say 'Go', run to the board, jump as high as you can, and place your Velcro marker onto the board. Got it?"

"Yep."

"Then…Go!"

Rukia and Renji took off. Rukia jumped, and landed with a splat (the target boards had slime balls stuck to them) at the bottom. Renji managed to pin his to the top, before sliding down on a trail of slime.

This sticky process was repeated twice more, Reji placing his marker higher than Rukia each time, due to Rukia's height (or lack of).

Predictably, Rukia lost.

And Renji gained a new colour for his previously-white t-shirt – puce green.

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

Yay! Finale is drawing closer! Please review, as always!

Also, the poll on my profile is still up. Please go vote!

IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT: I have decided to create a mini-competition! All you readers out there can try and guess the eventual winner of the Seireitei Game Show, either via review or PM. Simply state the shinigami you think will win, plus a reason why you think he/she will win. Only one entry perperson is allowed.

There will be two winners. One winner will be the one who accurately predicts the winner, complete with a valid other is the one who comes up with the funniest/most interesting/most unique reason for any of the remaining shinigami to win.

Winners will be announced at the end of the finale chapter. The winners will each get a oneshot by me dedicated to them, featuring a fandom of their choice, and a character and pairing (optional) of their choice.


	11. Episode Eight: Laugh Out Loud

I'm so sorry for making you all wait for so long! I went on a two-week hiatus, and before that, I had writer's block. But now I'm back!

I have over forty reviews! (The most…ever.) So, a huuuuuge thank-you to all my amazing reviewers!

If you've read my profile, you'll know that I like the number 42, so I would like to specially honour my 42nd reviewer, **Zenigami**. You get a double chocolate chip cookie!

Oh, and for those who didn't see my competition notice in the previous chapter, I shall repeat it again here.

**Guess-the-winner competition**

Basically, this is a competition to guess which shinigami will win the Seireitei Game Show. Either via review or PM, tell me who you think will win, and why. There are two categories in which you can win:

1) By guessing the right winner, coupled with a reasonable explanation. Or,

2) By providing the funniest/most interesting/most unique reason to support your choice. In this category, even if you choose a shinigami who is not the winner, it doesn't matter. But try to keep it reasonable. In other words, if you know that a particular shinigami has been kicked off, don't vote for him/her.

All participants will be credited, and the winners announced (one winner per category) in a mini-chapter after the finale is revealed.

Each winner will get, as a prize, a oneshot about a fandom of their choice, featuring a character and pairing (optional), also of their choice, dedicated to them.

Very sorry for the long author's note. I shall begin the story now.

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

The next day, the five remaining shinigami gathered back in the arena.

Ichigo grinned.

"Today is going to be one really entertaining challenge!"

The five shinigami, who had grown to be wary of Ichigo's 'fun' challenges, stared at him dubiously.

Ichigo stared back.

"We're just waiting for our special guest for today!"

As if on cue, a cool wind began to blow, bringing with it the fragrance of sakuras.

Renji turned slightly green.

"Is this who I think it is?"

It was.

Kuchiki Byakuya stepped into the arena, in slow, stately steps, looking at Ichigo down his refined, pointy nose.

Ishida escorted him to the chair sitting in the middle of the arena. After looking at the wooden chair with considerable disgust, Byakuya sat down. Immediately, Orihime and Chad leapt at him, shackling his wrists and feet to the arms and legs of the chair.

Byakuya glared at Ichigo.

"Kurosaki. I was under the impression that I was a VIP."

"But you are! You are the most vital part of today's challenge!"

"I refuse."

Orihime looked at him angrily.

"But you pinky swore! No one breaks a promise when you _pinky swear_ it! Ever!"

"All I did was interlace my little finger with yours."

"That's _pinky swearing_!"

Ishida rolled his eyes.

Chad facepalmed.

Ichigo turned to the five shinigami, who already had expressions of shock and apprehension on their faces.

"Your job today…is to make Byakuya laugh!"

And so, the daunting, seemingly impossible challenge began. The first one to make Byakuya laugh would win.

Renji tried first.

"Hey Taichou! Look at me! I'm a gorilla!"

Byakuya stared right through him. Fifty years with the same loudmouthed lieutenant had taught him to ignore his antics.

Matsumoto sighed.

"Lemme try."

She proceeded to carry out her smother-the-victim-with-your-humongous-thingys technique.

Unfortunately, that particular technique was meant for suffocating people, not making them laugh.

Kira stared in horror at Byakuya.

"Eek! His face…it's blue!"

Ishida snapped to attention immediately, and brought a clipboard down onto Matsumoto's head with a sharp _thwack_.

Sighing, Gin took over. He stared at Byakuya, pulling faces, and contorting his mouth into all sorts of weird shapes.

Byakuya glowered at him. If looks could kill, well…the third division would need a new captain, pronto.

Urahara was next. He dragged Gin to the center of the arena, and began a two-man version of 'Swan Lake', complete with (failed) swan leaps aplenty.

The audience roared with laughter.

Byakuya raised a perfectly plucked eyebrow.

Yoruichi sighed.

"The incompetence of men…"

She stepped up.

"Hey, Byakushi. Laugh."

He stared at her, unmoving.

"I said, laugh."

"Never."

"Laugh."

"Over my dead body."

"You're already dead."

Silence.

Yoruichi decided to employ a different technique.

"Hey, Byakushi~" she sang.

"What?"

"If you don't laugh, I'll give these photos of you hugging your precious threadbare Hello Kitty plushie to the SWA to put in their yearbook."

Byakuya paled.

"Ha."

"That's not enough, Byakushi~"

"Ha."

"More!"

Byakuya scowled.

"How much of this do I have to endure?"

"Well, you don't have to laugh, but if you don't, those photos will be making their way into Yachiru-chan's hands!"

Byakuya mentally cringed. Yachiru was famed, among many other things, for her ability to misinterpret many things. Goodness knew what she would do to that photo.

"Ha ha ha. Okay, I laughed. Happy?"

Yoruichi tilted her head back to glance at Ichigo.

He nodded.

Yoruichi punched the air.

"YESSSS!"

Renji tapped Yoruichi on the shoulder.

"Ya didn't actually have the photos, did ya?"

"I did. I had Kisuke do them for me on Photoshop. But now that I know it's true…"

She grinned an evil grin.

Renji stared at her in horror.

"Oh no."

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

The next day dawned bright and early.

All the shinigami gathered at Soukyoku Hill, just as they had been told.

Waiting for them were Ichigo, Ishida, Unohana, a twelfth division filming crew, and a senkaimon.

Ichigo grinned.

"Everyone, we're going on a one-day food trip to Hokkaido!"

Everybody whooped. Hokkaido was a beautiful place, known for its scenery and its food.

Urahara blinked.

"Waaaaait. We're the losers, right? How come we get a reward too? What's the catch?"

"Yeah. And what's Unohana-taichou doing here anyways?" Matsumoto chimed in.

Ichigo grinned widely.

A small smile tugged at the corners of Unohana's mouth.

"Minatsuki."

The huge stingray-like monster appeared.

"Eh? What's Minatsuki doing here?!"

Said monster opened its huge maw, and swallowed the three Green Monkeys in one gulp.

Ichigo beckoned for the two Yellow Penguins to sit on top of Minatsuki, along with Ishida, Unohana, and the filming crew.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

They landed in Asahikawa, a part of Hokkaido, to enjoy the sight of Hokkaido's tallest mountain, Asahidake. Then it was off to Sapporo for lunch.

They enjoyed delicious food, including Hokkaido potatoes with butter, crab meat, and Sapporo-brand beer.

As for the Green Monkeys? They also had lunch.

Seeing as they were in Minatsuki's stomach after all, whatever Minatsuki ate would reach them.

Unfortunately, they had forgotten that Minatsuki was vegetarian.

Urahara studied the green mess that was polling quickly around his ankles.

"No way am I eating _that_."

Gin prodded the puke-coloured slop.

"I think that this is what were once leaves."

"Ew!"

Matsumoto paused.

"Hang on. We're in Minatsuki's _stomach_, right?"

"…Yeah. So?"

"Aren't stomachs the part of the body that _digest_ the food?"

Urahara stared at her.

"Waaaaaait. Stomachs contain _hydrochloric acid_, don't they?"

Gin froze in shock.

Matsumoto looked horrified.

"Oh POOP!"

They had evidently forgotten that while stomach acid was indeed hydrochloric acid, it was also very, very diluted.

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

They returned to Soul Society in the late afternoon, to endure their elimination challenge.

Ichigo grinned at them.

"We're not holding the voting today, so all of you will be taking part in the challenge: babysitting Yachiru."

There was a stunned silence.

Ichigo explained the rules, oblivious to the looks of terror on the three faces in front of him.

"You three are going to be chucked into a room with Yachiru. Whoever leaves the room first, for any reason, will be eliminated."

And so, the three shinigami found themselves in a violently pink room in the eleventh division barracks, starring at a pink sugarbunny bounce off the walls.

Yachiru bounced up to Matsumoto.

Matsumoto grinned at her.

"Ne, Yachiru-chan, if I give you candy, will you go bother the guys and leave me alone?"

Yachiru stared at Matsumoto. More accurately, she stared at the huge wad of candy canes Matsumoto had produced from the sleeves of her shihakusho.

(They were actually leftovers from Christmas about twenty years ago, but Yachiru didn't need to know that, did she?)

Yachiru grabbed the candy canes, ripped the wrappers off, and stuffed the whole pile down her throat. Then, keeping to her word (a first), she ran off to the two males.

"Hi, Hat-and-Clogs!"

Urahara grinned.

He chucked her a bumper pack of MnM's, and whispered: "Why don't you go and bother Gin instead? I'm sure he could use your company."

Yachiru, by now on a sugar high, bounced over to Gin.

"Hey, Slitty-eyes."

Gin was spacing out, and thus, didn't answer her.

She poked his forehead.

"Slitty-eyes."

"Call him Gingin," hissed Urahara.

Yachiru pouted.

"I knew that."

"Gingin!"

No response.

"GINGIN!"

Gin remained where he was, spacing out.

Yachiru gave up.

"KEN-CHAN! GINGIN WON'T PLAY WITH MEEEEEEE!"

A second later, Kenpachi crashed through the wall, grabbed Gin, and chucked him out, javelin style.

And so, Ichimaru Gin was the newest shinigami to be eliminated.

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

I hope you liked this chapter!

Please review, and remember to take part in the competition! It will end the day I post the finale chapter.


	12. Episode Nine: Fan Girls and Swan Leaps

Hi! I seem to be updating all my stories today. :)

For my 50th reviewer, **Dreammaker Twilight**, I present a gingerbread house!

Thanks for all the contest entries so far! If you haven't entered it yet, please do so quickly! The contest ends when I post the next chapter, the finale. Either drop me a PM or place your entry in your review. Contest details can be found in the previous chapter.

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By the way, the only reason why I have this ad up here is because **sQuIsHeDbRoCcOlLi** is paying me. By teaching me how to use GIMP.

I don't own Bleach or Fanta.

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

The next day dawned bright and sunny.

Squinting in the morning sun, which was shining directly into his eyes, Ichigo clapped his hands for attention.

"From today onwards, you people are no longer in teams! You will now work as individuals, and the loser gets kicked off. Everyone else will make it to the top 3. So, are you ready?"

"YES!"

Ichigo grinned.

"Are y'all feeling pumped up?"

"YEAH!" yelled the two men.

The two women rolled their eyes.

"Weirdoes…"

"Good that you're feeling pumped up, because you're gonna run a lot today!"

The four shinigami stared at him, imitating goldfish.

"What?"

"You heard me! Today's challenge is to complete all your tasks the fastest!"

Ichigo brandished a slip of paper.

Ishida handed an envelope to each of the contestants.

"Do not open your envelopes yet! Let me explain the rules. Inside that envelope is a slip of paper like the one I have. To complete the challenge, you will have to complete the task stated. Not all of you will have the same tasks, as these slips were picked at random from a huge box. No cheating, because there will be a camera crew following you. Usual rules apply: no shunpo, shikai, bankai, kidou, shunko, etc. Whoever comes in last gets kicked out."

He extricated a whistle from his pocket.

"Ready…set…OPEN YOUR ENVELOPES AND GO!"

The four shinigami ripped open their envelopes and sped off, with four camera crews on scooters following them.

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

Matsumoto looked at the words on her paper.

_Get __a kiss_.

Well, that was simple. Matsumoto knew exactly where she should go.

She skipped happily out of Seireitei, to a bar in Rukongai that she went to regularly. At this time of day, there were quite a few men sitting at the bar counter. She walked up to them.

"Kiss me," she said.

Immediately there was a flurry of movement as the men got off their seats and charged towards her. The moment she felt lips touching her cheek, she grinned.

She raced out of the bar, and slammed the door shut, shutting the men inside. Then she ran for her life before the door broke down.

Task complete.

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

Yoruichi studied the slip of paper.

_Find a plushie._

That was easy. She reached the Second Division barracks and peeped in, to find Soi Fon watching the live broadcast of the show. Probably because she didn't want to spend her money buying an arena ticket.

On her desk was a huge pile of rice crackers, presumably confiscated from her vice-captain.

She turned around.

"Yoruichi-sama!"

Yoruichi grinned.

"Hello. I was wondering, could I borrow one of your cat plushies?"

"Eh? But nobody's supposed to know I have plushies."

"There's a camera behind me. You just let the whole of Seireitei know."

"What?"

Soi Fon blinked, having just noticed the camera.

She leaned close to the lens.

"Listen up, all you people watching this," she hissed menacingly. "Breathe a word about this, and I will _hunt you down_. Got it?"

She sniffed, and spun on her heel.

Disappearing into her office, she returned with a plushie that looked exactly like Yoruichi's cat form.

"Thanks. Gotta dash. Bye!"

Yoruichi ran off.

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

Urahara frowned at his instructions.

_Get at least 5 shinigami to applaud for you._

Urahara looked at the word 'applaud'.

_Applause usually comes with performances, right?_

Clinging on to this warped belief, he raced towards the division that had the members most in need of a short break.

The Twelfth Division.

Almost as if it were coincidence, the members of the Twelfth, excluding Mayuri and Nemu, who were overseeing the filming, were having a coffee break. And so Urahara, having absolutely no shame whatsoever, began his 'Swan Lake' routine.

He spun. He leaped. He twirled. But best of all, he had perfected his swan leaps.

His audience was shaking in silent laughter. One had snorted so hard, he now was scouring his nose with a tissue, trying to clean out the coffee he had breathed in. Another had dropped his Fanta grape onto the head of a shorter colleague, giving the poor man's black hair bubbly purple highlights.

Urahara was nearing the end of his performance. He twirled around, then attempted one last swan leap…

…and crashed headlong into a tree.

The audience whooped and cheered, clapping enthusiastically.

Urahara got up, bowed drunkenly to the audience, and grinned, showing that his two front teeth had been knocked out. Turning around, he proceeded to stagger crookedly in the direction of the arena.

It was going to be one long walk.

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

Renji stared at the words on the slip of paper, his feeling of dread rising.

_Get a kiss._

How on earth was he going to get a kiss?

Then he remembered. The Sixth Division's eighth seat was the President of the 'Abarai-fukutaichou Fan Club', wasn't she?

Perfect.

He popped his head into the barracks to find her in the sitting room, with some other girls presumably from the fan club as well.

"Minami-hachiseki."

She looked up.

"Eh? Abarai-fukutaichou-san? What is it?"

Renji brandished the piece of paper nervously.

"Well, I have a bit of a problem…"

She snatched the paper at looked at it, and began to hyperventilate.

The other girls crept up behind her, and saw the line of words.

"Oh…my…"

They all turned to him, and simultaneously shrieked, "Abarai-fukutaichouuuuu!"

Renji paled.

"Crap. Stupid idea."

He ran out, with the entire 'Abarai-fukutaichou Fan Club' hot on his heels.

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

Ichigo was surprised.

Renji hadn't made it back yet.

Matsumoto was the first one there, having run as fast as she could away from the seedy bar in Rukongai.

Hot on her heels was Yoruichi, brandishing a plush toy.

Then they had waited for one and a half hours before Urahara stumbled in, grinning like an idiot and not walking straight. He headed for Yoruichi and Matsumoto, but veered sharply to his left, looking like a dazed drunkard. He crashed into Ichigo's podium.

"I feel woozy…"

He began to sing 'When You Wish Upon A Star' in a horribly off-key voice, but couldn't make it past the first line before he fainted. Two crashes in one day were just two too many.

But where was Renji?

Two hours after Urahara's appearance, Renji made his epic entrance back into the arena, face covered with lipstick marks, shihakusho torn.

"Eh? Renji, What happened?"

He looked up miserably.

"Fan girls…" he muttered. His eyes rolled back into his head, and he fell asleep, snoring.

Ichigo rolled his eyes. Turning to the audience, he announced, "And so, the ones who made it to the top 3 are…Matsumoto, Yoruichi, and Urahara! We'll see you tomorrow for the finale."

Renji paid no attention to the fact that he had just been kicked off. He turned over, still asleep, unconsciously wiped off the huge trail of drool on his face, and hiccupped.

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

One more chapter till the finale! Yay! =D


	13. Episode Ten: Finale

And…that's it! The contest is officially over! Winners will be announced in the next chapter, as well as being notified via PM.

Yay! 60 reviews! I feel so appreciated. For my 60th reviewer, **Leopardstar**, I present you with a 5-foot chocolate bunny!

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

The day of the final challenge.

The Top Three, Matsumoto, Urahara, and Yoruichi, made their way to the arena, only to be confronted by a mass of green.

"Are we in the right place?"

They kept on walking around the perimeter of the mass of hedges, until they bumped into Ichigo.

"There you are!"

Ichigo proceeded to drag them all to the other end of the arena, where there was an opening in the seemingly endless green wall hung with a banner marked 'Start'.

Picking up his loudspeaker, he turned to the audience.

"Welcome to the finals of the Seireitei Game Show! Today's challenge is…the maze!"

_So…that was what it was,_ though the three finalists simultaneously.

Ichigo then proceeded to explain the rules.

"Basically, when I blow the whistle, all three finalists will enter the maze. Their objective is to make it to the center of the maze, where we have set up a table with three cups. They all have powerful teleportation kidou cast on them. One will teleport you to the starting point, one will teleport you to the ending point, and one will drop you in a random point in the maze. However, this is completely optional, and the finalist can choose to make his or her own way to the exit without going to the center. The first one to exit the maze through the ending point wins the grand prize."

He grinned an evil grin.

"Watch out, though, because we have obstacles blocking the way. However, they can be overcome by normal humans, so no kidou, shunpo, shunko, shikai, bankai, etcetera. Got it?"

Three heads nodded.

"Then…go!"

He blew the whistle.

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

Yoruichi ran down a pathway in the maze. They had separated at the entrance, Urahara going left, she straight, and Matsumoto right. So far, she hadn't encountered anything. She felt happy, confident, and…

Wait, what was that smell.

She stopped, and sniffed the air. It smelled good. Really good. She just couldn't remember what it was.

She took another long good sniff.

Then, it clicked. This aroma was…

Catnip.

A few moments later, Yoruichi could be seen rolling on the ground, clawing out leaves from the catnip bush that was secretly planted amongst the normal bushes of the hedge.

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

Urahara bounced down another pathway. He felt great, having taken out one of Mayuri's robots with a kick to the power source. Mayuri was really too predictable. He always placed the power source in the stomach area.

As he rounded a corner, he saw a pedestal. Atop that pedestal sat a small box.

He walked closer. He now saw what the box read.

'Photoshop CS5 Deluxe Limited Edition.'

Well, being the tech geek that he was, he was drawn in. The shops only had CS4, and even that cost a fortune. How could he just ignore a free Photoshop set that was even better than the CS4?

He couldn't.

Advancing slowly towards it, as though he couldn't believe that it was true, he stretched out a trembling hand.

When he was only an arm's length away, he looked around suspiciously. Seeing nobody, he snatched it and hugged it to his chest.

'Amazing," he sighed dreamily.

The next moment, a trapdoor opened, and Urahara fell into a deep pit. Two seconds later, Chappy plushies fell into the hole, smothering him. There were about a million of them…or five.

If Urahar hadn't had his vision obscured by white-and-pink fabric, he would have seen Ichigo flying off in a helicopter-like device with a retracting claw attached to the bottom, clutching a remote control and cackling evilly.

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

Matsumoto, by a stroke of luck, had gone quite far into the maze without any trouble. Unbeknownst to her, she was actually quite near the middle of the maze. She walked down a narrow pathway. As it widened round the bend, she happily continued on, until…

"Matsumoto."

The voice sounded eerily familiar. Much like her height-deprived Taichou.

She turned around to face the source of the noise, and…

Think of the Devil, and he shall appear.

Said height-deprived Taichou was standing there, ever-present scowl plastered on his face.

"Matsumoto. Do paperwork. Now."

"But, Taichou!"

Hitsugaya, sadly, was immune to Matsumoto's whining and puppy-dog eyes.

"Until you finish your paperwork, I have confiscated all of your sake."

He gestured behind him.

Matsumoto stared at her sake cupboard in shock. It was completely empty.

Driven mad with grief and sake-deprivation, she shrieked at Hitsugaya that she would not do her paperwork, before running out the door.

Once she ran out, the office and Hitsugaya flickered for a moment, then disappeared, revealing a simulator machine.

Above the maze, Ichigo put down his binoculars onto the dashboard of the helicopter-like machine.

"Crap. It didn't work."

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

Yoruichi had finished pulling out all the catnip leaves and ripping them to shreds. As she stood up, ready to move forward, something big and purple landed in front of her.

A giant ball of yarn.

Seconds later, Yoruichi was tangled up in the purple yarn, happily rolling around.

The giant claw retracted back into the helicopter-machine above.

And somewhere outside the maze, Ishida realized that his precious purple yarn ball had gone missing.

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

The hole filled with Chappy plushies was still and calm. Below the surface of the stupidly grinning fluff bags, a lone shout could be heard.

"I'm drowning! I'm suffocatin! Help!"

What Urahara didn't realize was that there was a ventilation shaft covered with a metal grille behind him that would provide him with air to breathe.

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

Matsumoto pranced round a bend, and blinked in surprise.

She had reached the center of the maze. She looked at the three cups on the lone table in the middle of the cleared-out space.

_Which cup is the right one?_

Now, Matsumoto had gone through quite a few days without sake. And sake-deprivation is known to cause hallucinations.

At that precise moment, she began hallucinating.

Instead of three cups, she saw three bottles.

She blinked. She rubbed her eyes.

The bottles were still there.

She dashed up to the table.

There sat three different brands of sake.

Then her eyes lit up.

"Nishimura! My favourite sake brand!"

She grabbed the middle bottle and hugged it.

Colours whirled around her. When they finally stopped, she looked around, surprised.

She was at the ending point.

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

After Matsumoto had been declared the winner, two teams from the Fourth had been dispatched to rescue Yoruichi and Urahara.

Needless to say, Urahara swore he'd never look at Chappy the same way again.

And after taking a look at the state of his yarn ball, Ishida fainted dead away.

Ichigo stepped up to the podium.

"And…the winner is Matsumoto! She wins the round-the-world trip!"

The entire arena burst into applause.

Hitsugaya allowed a shadow of a smile to cross his face. Finally, without his rambunctious lieutenant in the way, he could enjoy peace and quiet.

And thus, and Seireitei Game Show ended.

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

Please review!


	14. Competition Results

**Here are the competition results!**

**Category 1 (Guess the winner ****correctly**** with a reasonable answer)**

**Winner: **Give applause for… **A Dreamer's Eyes**!

**A Dreamer's Eyes**' entry:

"_Matsumoto might win. Who knows maybe she'll just drag her captain along with her for a vacation that I'm sure the little prodigy would love. Of course maybe her "assets" might be helpful in the end..."_

**Category 2 (Most hilarious/creative/original reason)**

**Winner: **Here, I have a tie. So both of you get a prize! They are…**Dreammaker Twilight** and **Mitsune-kun**!

**Mitsune-kun**'s entry:

"_I say the winner should be Yoruichi. She's the awesomest person in the manga/anime that has the least amount of time on screen.  
Plus, she can turn into a cat. And if a kitty went on a worldwide trip... Imagine Yachiru from the challenge where she had a ton of candy. Now, imagine she's a cat incredibly high (or whatever) on catnip. And then she goes globe trotting...  
That's gonna be a trip spent on seeing the Cat-wonders of the world. And getting pampered by Egyptians for quite a while. I bet she'd try and get a giant ball (as in Kenpachi-size) of yarn or something as a souvenir. Kitties go meow and take over the world. :O"_

**Dreammaker Twilight**'s entry:

"_I think... Urahara will win. Reasons?  
1. He knows how to use Photoshop. A Photoshop expert has the potential to rule the world, I tell you._

2. You know that Japanese fan he carries around? I think that at the end of the competition, he'll pull it out and fan all the other contenstants away. Like in that episode of Johnny Test where Brain Freeze tries to take over Porkbelly. (I DON'T watch Cartoonnetwork, but my brother does, so I just HAPPEN to know a few things about Johhny Test, okay?)

3. And then, after he fans everyone away, he's gonna lift his head (gasp!) and brush away those huge bangs covering his eyes (double gasp!) and HYPNOTIZE THE JUDGES. (gasp!)

4. And then after that he'll use his awesome Photoshop skills to TAKE OVER THE INTERNETS."

5. "Reality is all a dream, and dreams are the only reality", so like, the Internets will become REALITY! And he'll take over the world, ne?

See, my explanation is TOTALLY reasonable. It's backed up by a complete cause-and-effect argument. (Man, I HATED doing those in Language Arts.) =D

Even if you didn't win, I am still grateful for your participation! Here is a compilation of all the entries, except the ones already listed above, for you to see.

**Roseau Veranda:**

"_Matsumoto! She's been nominated only once! and i doubt she won't win...  
and also hitsugaya won't have that much problems...now that Matsumoto gets to have all the vacation she wants-she'll be dead happy with free-time!_

though shiro still has some paperwork to do...oh well!"

**LoraCullenson:**

"_Urahara will win. Why? Because he is God among other reason. Rangiku won't win because she's bound to kill someone with those things. And killing on a reality show generally gets you kicked off. Renji won't win because he's an idiot. I'll admit a sexy, wonderful idiot, but still. Yoruichi won't win because I don't like her. That's about it. I really hope I didn't forget someone. But, still, Urahara is God and will win."_

**xMidnight-Spiritx:**

"_I think Yoruichi will win because blackmailing Byakuya with pictures of hello kitty is just priceless."_

**PiFace314:**

"_I think Urahara will win because everybody likes him, he's extremely devious, and he's also, as far as I know, able to do whatever he wants. period."_

**That's about it! Thank you once again for taking part!**


	15. Prologue of the Epilogue

Part One of my epilogue in three parts!

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

The day after the competition ended, things pretty much went back to normal.

Matsumoto pranced into the Tenth Division office, brandishing a chrysanthemum. Plopping down onto the sofa, she promptly ignored her Taichou and began yanking petals off the flower.

"Gin."

One petal fell to the ground.

"Taichou."

A second one joined the first.

"Gin."

"Taichou."

Hitsugaya watched her, and prayed fervently that the flower had an odd number of petals.


	16. Epilogue

Part Two of my epilogue in three parts.

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

Five months later, Matsumoto bounced happily past the baggage carousel towards the exit of Milan airport. This was her fist stop of her tour of Europe, the shopping paradise.

She turned back to her porter.

"Hurry up! The bus is going to leave!"

Hitsugaya scowled.

"Try lugging fifty-plus suitcases and hurrying up."

"Aw, Taichou, don't be so mean!"

Hitsugaya tugged at his clothes.

"And why do I have to wear this?"

"Because it looks good on you, and I confiscated your normal clothes, anyway."

"You've got to be kidding me."

On one of their previous stops on Hong Kong, they had gone to Disneyland, and Matsumoto had happily dragged him to the clothes store.

To his immense horror, it was the section for 5-year-olds.

To make things even worse, it was the _female_ section.

So now he was stuck wearing an electric pink _Disney Princess _dress that made him feel and look like a cupcake.

Plus, Matsumoto had made him her official porter, which was no easy task. Matsumoto picked up five purchase-filled suitcases with each destination.

He sighed.

_The soutaichou had better be prepared to empty his coffers for the next ten centuries…_

Never had he realized how much he missed paperwork.


	17. Epilogue of the Epilogue

Part Three of my epilogue in three parts.

I actually intended to post al three at the same time. I failed. Sorry.

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

A year and two months later, Matsumoto had returned. Behind her trailed Hitsugaya, who was more than relieved to discard his frilly pink gigai. Surprisingly, none of them were carrying suitcases. Everyone was astounded.

Until a week later, when Matsumoto asked for permission to go to the Tokyo Narita Airport, as well as permission to bring her entire division along.

The Tenth Division members were elated. They were joyful and thankful for a break from the office and hard work.

And then they saw the cargo planes.

Ten cargo planes.

A DHL man came up to Matsumoto, and asked her to sign. Apparently, DHL was transporting all of Matsumoto's 174380 suitcases from Canada.

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

When the members of the Tenth Division made it back to Seireitei, panting and sweating like there was no tomorrow, Hitsugaya stood at the doorway of the office, smirking.

"Now you know what I had to suffer, hmm?"

His men groaned, and as one, they collapsed to the ground.

They were sent to the Fourth.

However, they were not the only ones to collapse. When Matsumoto showed the soutaichou exactly how much she spent, the old man had shrieked a very undignified shriek of terror, and fainted dead away.

Sasakibe glanced at the bill, and mentally prepared himself to empty their coffers for the next millennium…at least.

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

Of course, what was traveling without souvenirs? Matsumoto was even generous enough to buy some for all of Seireitei. And thus, one morning, presents were found in each division.

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

Yamamoto peered inside the festively-wrapped box, and removed a plastic package.

"_Gillette fusion shaver,"_ he read. _"Now with five blades, gives you the smoothest shave and removes all unsightly facial hair!"_ **(1)**

He frowned thoughtfully.

_Do I have unsightly facial hair? I wonder._

Sasakibe opened his box, and found ten boxes of contacts.

"_Coloured contacts,"_ they read. _"Change your eye colour in seconds!"_

A few seconds later, a scream of frustration erupted from the First Division headquarters.

"IT'S NOT EDIBLE!"

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

Soifon lifted out a mass of metal pipes. When she had untangled the fine fishing line that connected the pipes, she discovered that it was a windchime.

With cat charms dangling off it, no less.

She was delighted, and promptly hung it at her office window.

Oomaeda, on the other hand, had received a huge box marked 'product of Singapore'. He ripped off the wrapping paper, only to see a giant box.

"_OSIM uZap. Zap your fats away!"_ **(2)**

He rushed into Soifon's office.

"Taichou! What do I do with this?"

Soifon took one look at the box, and grinned evilly.

Two hours later, she had cast a powerful version of Byakurai onto the device. **(3)**

"Oi, come here."

She placed the device around Oomaeda's neck, the only place thin enough to let the device wrap around like a belt and fasten snugly.

She pressed a small button on a black remote control.

The device zapped Oomaeda.

Soifon smirked.

"Now, go do your paperwork. Or else you get zapped again."

And thus, the slimming device became an electric collar for Oomaeda, and an endless source of fun and sadistic pleasure for Soifon.

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

Gin picked up the small plastic case. Opening it, he got a pair of spectacles.

_Why would Ran-chan send me these?_

He unwrapped the other package addressed to him. Inside, he found several books. The first one was labeled _'A History of Myopia'_. Sorting through the books, he realized that they were all about myopia. Plus, one had a bookmark sticking out. He picked up '_Symptoms of Myopia'_ and flipped to the bookmarked page.

"_Squinting is a common sign of myopia,"_ he read.

Meanwhile, Kira had unwrapped his present, and found a model of a guy in a black cloak with red clouds. He flipped it over to read the bottom.

"_Deidara,"_ it read. **(4)**

Beside it was a note from Matsumoto.

"_Dear Kira, why don't you cosplay as Deidara for next Halloween? You both have the same hairstyle."_

Kira stared at it.

"I do _not_ cosplay."

He walked to Gin's office to see what his taichou had gotten.

"Taichou…"

Gin turned around.

Kira stared at his taichou.

He was wearing glasses. His pupils could be seen.

Kira freaked out.

…………………………………………………………………………………………….....

Unohana looked at the thin book she had received.

"_The Tale of the Bearded Lady,"_ it read.

She was about to pick it up to read, when Isane burst into her office, sobbing hysterically.

"Fish paste!" she shrieked.

Unohana glanced at the note in Isane's hands.

"_Since you're scared of fishcakes, I decided to get you fishballs!"_

At that precise moment, Iemura burst in, waving a pamphlet.

"Taichou! What's LASIK surgery?" **(5)**

Unohana was torn between comforting her fukutaichou and answering her third seat.

As if to answer her silent question, Hanatarou ran in.

"Taichou! I got a book from Matsumoto-san! What did you get?"

Unohana glanced at the book.

"_The Little Train that Could__: A Story of gaining Self-Confidence."_

"Taichou?"

"Taichou!"

"Fish paste…"

And thus, the chaos in the Fourth Division had begun.

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

Aizen stared at the copy of _Vogue_ in his hands.

"_Geeks: Back in Fashion."_

Smiling to himself, he pushed his glasses up and began to read.

He forgot to take note of the date.

_November 1961._ **(6)**

Leaning against the wall of Aizen's office, Hinamori unwrapped her small box. Inside sat a rubber mouse. Pinned to it was a note.

"_Because you act like one."_

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

Byakuya opened the door of his office. It was filled with pink balloons.

And not just any balloons.

_Hello Kitty_ balloons. **(7)**

Hello Kitty _helium_ balloons.

A second later, all the balloons disintegrated, having been torn apart by Senbonzakura.

Not a smart move.

Renji stared in horror at his taichou, who tottered out singing 'Barney is a Purple Dinosaur' in a horribly off-key tone.

His taichou, it seemed, was on a helium high.

Renji opened the door to his own office.

"WHY IS MY OFFICE FILLED WITH PINEAPPLES?"

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

Komamura stared in disbelief at the pile of manga on his desk.

Naruto: Volumes 1 to 40.

_Why would I want to read a manga about a fox trapped within a kid? That's just pure cruelty to the fox_.

Iba, on the other hand, was not as lucky. He unwrapped his present, hoping for something manly, like weights or a punching bag.

He got a pink box.

Flipping it over, his horror mounted.

"_Barbie Wedding Set."_ **(8)**

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

Shunsui was giddy with joy. He had gone into his office this morning, to find a huge sake bottle on his desk.

Not just any sake bottle. It was Michiraku, the high-class very expensive sake brand. He lifted the bottle to his lips, and…

Nothing came out.

It was then that he noticed the note on his desk.

"_This was meant for you, but I accidentally drank the sake. Sorry!"_

Ah well. Perhaps he could use it as a flower vase.

In her office, Nanao looked in disgust at her gift.

"What. Is. This?"

She glared daggers at the note that had come with it. So what if her taichou had asked Matsumoto to buy it? She didn't have to.

She threw the purple outfit to the side.

"At least get me a one-piece swimsuit. Not a bikini."

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

Tousen dropped the tiny tub he had found on his desk. He didn't know what it was, but he had a hunch that it was something bad. And Tousen liked to follow his hunches.

He walked off. On the table, the small tub lay upside down.

The label read _Hair Gel_.

Hisagi, on the other hand, didn't have an adequate excuse to dump his present.

A giant tub of foundation, as well as a copy of _Makeup for Dummies_.

He felt so insulted.

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

Hitsugaya stared in disbelief at the small carving that Matsumoto had given him.

It was a figure of a white-haired boy standing in between a tree and a watermelon.

A perfectly normal sculpture, though he didn't remember Matsumoto buying it.

What really irritated him, however, was the fact that the boy, who was supposedly himself, was _shorter_ than the watermelon.

And carved onto the base of the sculpture were the words _Made to scale_.

"MATSUMOTO!"

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

The Eleventh Division, being the happy family that they were, decided to open their presents together.

Kenpachi had received a _'Pirates of the Carribean'_ DVD set.

Yachiru received a book on how to break addictions, which she promptly soaked in her saliva by biting into it.

Ikkaku, much to his horror, had gotten a tub of shoe polish (_"To polish your head with,"_ the note said) and a grass skirt.

But Yumichika's was the funniest. It had holes cut into it.

Yumichika sniffed.

"It smells like shit!"

He rattled it. The box squawked. Ikkaku, having the IQ of a dust bunny, instantly proclaimed: "It sounds like shit!"

Yachiru stared at the quivering box.

"Maybe it _is_ shit."

They all watched as Yumichika carefully opened it. A chicken flew out, and landed on his head, dropping fluff everywhere.

Ikkaku peered into the box at the chicken's waste.

"Gosh, it _is_ shit."

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

Two boxes sat in the waste area of the Twelfth Division, wilting slowly. Mayuri had tested them to check if they were dangerous. Unfortunately, neither box had withstood the sulfuric acid test.

They were thrown out.

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

Ukitake stared at the face mask lying on his desk. Next to it was a pamphlet.

"_Symptoms of H1N1,"_ it read.

He frowned.

"I have tuberculosis. Not Influenza A."

He decided to wear the mask anyway.

Meanwhile, Kiyone had received a lurid pink _thing_ in the shape of half a heart.

"_Love Puzzle! He who holds the other half will be your soul mate,"_ the label proclaimed.

Bewildered, she wandered out into the corridor, only to bump into Sentarou. They fell to the ground.

"Oi, you! Watch where you're going-wait…"

She caught sight of lurid pink within Sentarou's clenched fist.

"No," she breathed.

Kiyone's terrified cry was drowned by a wail of horror and utter misery.

Rukia stared at the packet of rabbit jerky in her hands, shaky from screaming.

_It can't be true…it can't…_

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

Urahara peered at the box in his hands.

Photoshop CS5-Deluxe Edition.

Holding it as far away from him as possible, he gingerly opened it.

"Ribbit."

A frog plastered itself onto his face.

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

Yoruichi looked in considerable disgust at the cat litter box.

"I do _not _use a little box."

It went to the trash.

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

At the Kurosaki residence, it was havoc.

Yuzu, Karin, and Isshin charged around the house on a sugar high.

Ichigo facepalmed.

_Maybe I shouldn't have given them those strawberry Hi-chews I found in my room._

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

Ishida peered at the blue shirt he had gotten in the mail. It had a picture of an old granny on it.

The caption was gross.

"_Kiss me. I knit."_

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

Orihime looked happily at her present.

"You and I, we're gonna be best friends!"

The book's title read, _1001 ways to make mochi fillings_.

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

Chad got DIY tacos. He ate them for dinner.

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

And somewhere, Matsumoto was hiding, happily imagining all the reactions her presents would stir up.

_Hmm,_ she mused. _Perhaps I should do this on Chrismas._

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

YES! Story complete! Thanks to all my wonderful reviewers!


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